Big D*ck Energy came into our lives in June 2018 when Ariana Grande gifted us all with the claim that her then-fiance Pete Davidson was carrying around ten inches. The internet, understandably, freaked out because: a) If that were true, Ariana would (probably) be dead right now, and b) Pete seems like the kind of guy with a Big Secret. No reason why, there's just a certain je ne sais quoi about him that screams, "Yes, I do have a big dick." Thus, BDE was born and the world has never been the same.
BDE isn't just reserved for men, though. Anyone can have Big Dick Energy. It's kind of like how Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart described porn — you'll know it when you see it. So many of our favorite television characters are *dripping* with BDE. Stunning, ahead-of-their-time icons living amongst us (well, on our television screens), and we can't believe we didn't notice it before.
Miss Patty has the O.G. television BDE. A former showgirl whose one regret is that she didn't have more sex, Miss Patty leans into her booty-tooched hip, takes a drag from her Audrey Hepburn cigarette holder, and exhales BDE. Miss Patty has the confidence, panache, and ambition necessary for true BDE. The actress that plays Miss Patty, Liz Torres, has been nominated for two Emmy Awards and Golden Globe Awards during her fifty-year career, which is pretty Big too. Miss Patty proves that BDE transcends age, gender, and bad Netflix remakes. A living legend.
Tyrion Lannister has been through it. He's been abducted, put on trial for a murder he didn't commit, and his older siblings were dating each other. That's messed up. Proving that one does not need to be tall to be Big, Tyrion uses his wit, confidence, and internal power to always keep climbing back up with style. A wealthy, educated playboy and astute tactician, Tyrion would fit right in on the Upper East Side of Gossip Girl, but instead, he's killing the game (sometimes literally) in Westeros with his massive, massive amounts of BDE.
Cheryl Blossom is the patron saint of BDE. She's never fully clothed, her hair is naturally that length and color, she's never had lip fillers but her mouth looks like Kylie Jenner's, and everything she says is so iconic that there have been whispers that she has her own writers for dialogue separate from everyone else on Riverdale. "Listen up, ensemble vultures," yeah, she said that. She then proceeded to sing mediocrely with the full confidence that she sounded exactly like Mariah Carey in the '90s and not Mariah Carey now. Cheryl for President. (Except probably not really because that'd be terrifying.)
Gina Linetti knows best. She knows it, and even if we didn't know it, she wouldn't acknowledge that we didn't know it. Gina represents confidence. Honesty. Never being bored. Never being around boring people. Gina is the ultimate BDE icon. Gina is the human form of the 100 emoji. She only has two emotions: in love with herself or judging you. Gina has great hair, loves lying, and believes that psychologists are just people who weren't smart enough to be psychics. She's not wrong. Because, as we've established, Gina Linetti knows best. She's perfect the way she is and she should never change.
Midge Maisel wants to be the best at everything and so she is. Her legs are perfectly symmetrical and so is the rest of her body, she hired ringers to dance at her wedding so there would be good dancing at her party, and when her husband left her for his idiot secretary and spat in the face of years of pre-alarm face masks and mediocre parenting, she decided to pursue his dream job and do better at it than he ever did. That's not just BDE, that's diabolical. And she did it in heels.
Cristina Yang is one of the strongest female characters on television. She understands that her power comes from her mind. She's aware thgat she's hot, but doesn't particularly care. She just knows she can be the best, so she's going to be. That confidence and swagger crafts not just BDE, but Huge-DE. The definition of cool, calm, and collected (well, most of the time), Cristina Yang is a feminist icon. Sandra Oh, who portrayed the cardiothoracic surgeon, exudes the BDE that she lent her character, proving that strong women have the biggest dicks of all.
Even after being trapped in Spellman Mortuary for over seventy-five years due to a binding spell, Ambrose Spellman is an international man of mystery. He wears his age well (especially since he's an elderly man who looks like a muscled twenty-year-old) and has a macabre sense of humor hiding under his depression and sagacity. Ambrose has mischievous eyes that recall his days as a young adventurer and as an activist just looking for danger. He even manages to find a boyfriend while trapped inside his house, which is hilarious (kind of) considering most of us can't find a cute guy out in the world.
Speaking of a mischievous streak, Shawn Spencer is a pathological liar with self-destructive tendencies who is just so talented that even his own bravado can't stop him from being successful. His devil-may-care, never-grow-up attitude contributes to his Big Dick Energy as does his thirst for adventure, but Shawn has a BDE that must be seen in action to be truly understood. Only a man with charisma could get away with having a soul patch on television without getting imminently canceled. He also lowkey pines for his one true love while still casually dating other women, which is some sensitive BDE behavior.
Sure, Pete Davidson isn't technically a "television character." He's a "real person." But it can be argued that his persona on SNL is a caricature of himself, so it still counts. Pete invented BDE by having so much of it that some people actually believe he has a ten-inch dick. Is that even possible? Asking for a friend. Pete also has enough BDE to look attractive even while losing a breakup, which is a skill only the top tier of BDE-filled people can have. Pete on SNL isn't afraid to make bad situations funny with his self-deprecating wit and the ability to say he looks like someone with a blood disease and still come across as hot.
Summer Roberts is awesome. She suffers from rage blackouts, isn't afraid to speak her mind, and knows that dressing up like Wonder Woman for her boyfriend is better than any gift money can buy. Summer has a big personality and strong opinions that she isn't afraid to share. She's skinny even though she only eats In-N-Out, and she's like, really pretty. (Plus, she'd probably agree with that statement, too.) She's effortlessly smart, accidentally gets a super high SAT score, and earns admission to an Ivy League school. Summer knows her worth and isn't afraid to make sure everyone else knows it, too. That's some BDE raditiation.
Rafael Solano comes from the type of money that could either give you BDE or SDE depending on what you allow the money to make of you, if you know what I mean. Thankfully for the viewers (and his baby mama Jane Villanueva), Raf solidly has the first. Once a playboy millionaire, Rafael grows into a responsible man who just wants to be a good father to his children, which also gives him massive DILF energy. Or, shall we say, Big DILF Energy, BDE squared. It also helps that Rafael is seriously hot, Italian, and have we mentioned he's a super-rich businessman?
Donna LaDonna has resting duck face, which should be enough to cement her status as BDE Queen (in addition to Homecoming Queen). A gay ally, successful boyfriend stealer, and neon clothing trailblazer, Donna's not always in the right but she is always successful. She gets what she wants by using her BDE like a weapon, and whether she uses it for good or evil is always up to her. She also gets into Columbia University despite never seeming to study. She only wears heels and occasionally decides to be genuinely nice but still maintains her fierce, intimidating power. The evidence conclusively points towards BDE.
Because it's the 21st century, we need to start this off by mentioning that Chuck Bass is an attempted rapist and allegedly so is Ed Westwick, which is so not BDE. However, the character Chuck Bass matures away from harassing women in kitchens and on roofs, and that is when his BDE grows. His catchphrase is just his own name, he only wears tailored suits, and somehow doesn't look like a douche?!?! A modern mystery. He also has a never-ending collection of scarves, is super angsty, and somehow redeems himself enough to be worthy of Blair Waldorf by the series' conclusion.
Just looking at this photograph of Poussey Washington, you can feel her BDE. Even in prison wearing a grody beige jumpsuit, Poussey could, like, get it. Poussey keeps her sense of humor in jail even as she struggles with depression and alcoholism and can't be intimidated by bullies like Vee. There are about a million spoilers we could give away but won't. Let's just say her intelligent, clever repartee and lighthearted spirit is irreplaceable.
While Buffy Summers seems like the first choice to be honored with the title of BDE because she could kick demon ass and dressed super cute, Buffy's desperation to go back to her normal life often left an emo cloud over her BDE-esque qualities. Spike, however, is a vampire whose love was so strong that he successfully fought to regain his soul. He feels things so strongly that he can literally defeat his own soulless nature, finding the perfect balance of into it and emotionally unavailable. He manages to make punk rocking look acceptable in the 1990s and finds a way to respect Buffy's kick-butt awesomeness instead of being intimidated by it. Also, not to be a hater, but Angel had some seriously SDE with all the brooding.
Karen Walker married for money because she's worth it. Big. Dick. Energy. Described by Wikipedia as having "an often tenuous grip of reality and very few morals," which is awesome, Karen is hard-partying even into her middle-aged years, has been married four(!) times because she's better than every man, and her real name might not even be Karen because she has so many aliases she uses to throw off the Feds. She has beat up businessmen in Chinatown, had an illicit relationship with Ronald Reagan, and may actually be one of television's most notorious gangsters if you think about it.
We all knew this was coming. There can't be a discussion of television characters with BDE without mentioning Sex and the City's Samantha Jones. Her whole character is about women embracing their sexual agency, is non-judgemental of whatever others choose to do as long as they leave her life choices alone, and she snatched her own wig while conquering cancer with style. Even her best friends didn't know how old she was at the beginning of the series. That's because Big Dick Energy is ageless and so is she. Samantha Jones was a pioneer for women's BDE and laid the groundwork for many of the other characters on this list to even exist in the first place.
Mother of Dragons, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar, the First Men, and showing off your great butt on cable television, and Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Daenerys Targaryen is poised to rule a patriarchal world and is going to do it with great hair. Does that not just *scream* BDE? She's hooked up with the two hottest guys of Game of Thrones, and they both eventually knelt to her as their queen because she dickmatized them. Sure, one of them was her cousin, but that kind of thing was okay in the fictional middle ages. Most people just know her as Khaleesi AKA queen because she is a Queen of BDE.
Lucas Scott was a bit of an indecisive prick for a while, but Chad Michael Murray is cute enough that we loved him anyway, which defines its own type of BDE. Lucas also managed to rise above being a bastard (literally because that's the type of show OTH is) to get a highly-coveted spot on the basketball team and takes over his mean half-brother's starting position. With the biggest energy of all, Lucas and his half-brother, Nathan Scott, eventually become life-long friends. To forgive someone after making fun of you for being the son his father decided to abandon takes generosity, maturity, and a huge penis.
Treat yo' self! Donna Meagle is a bad bitch. Her cousin is Ginuwine, she drives a Mercedes that she cares about more than she cares about most people, and she's very sought after by men. She usually downs two shots at once, many of her past boyfriends have offered to commit arson for her, and she turned down an Indiana Colts lineman because she only dates skill positions. Donna is a woman you could know for decades and still only scratch the surface of, she's more fun than anyone you've ever met, and she's probably more generous as well. This hunger for intrigue and charisma can only come from one thing: BDE.
Cookie Lyon is the baddest bitch. She doesn't want to be paid off with a seven-figure income and posh real estate because she knows she has the best ear in the music business and she'll get that bread anyway. She wins back her man even though he doesn't deserve her, and she came out of jail with perfect hair and a flawless complexion. She's also done all of this in a fur coat, some type of animal print, and a bold lip color because she knows how to spend her money. Cookie will fight you, and she will win.