Bachelor In Paradise Season 6; Week 2, Part 1: Love Pentagon
Good morning to absolutely everyone except Hannah G. and Blake. Last night we had our first rose ceremony as we headed into Ladies Week, which reunited America with two of our most favorite boys. Before we get started, here’s a recap of last week. This is only week two, people! If you aren’t doing your homework this early on then you’ll need to drop the class!
We are finally at the rose ceremony and a lot of the women are still unsure who will potentially give them a rose allowing them to stay. Like smokin’ hot Bibiana, for some bizarre reason, and Jane who made John Paul Jones throw up when she tried to speak to him. That’s usually a bad sign.
If I carried the two correctly, three women are going home tonight. And while only half the group have found “connections,” the decorative elephant in the room is who will Hannah G. choose? Blake or Dylan? Sydney muses that Hannah will accept a rose from whoever asks first.
Demi gets the first rose (which is exactly how it should be) from Derek, Clay gives his rose to Nicole, Wills gives his rose to Katie, Kevin gives his rose to Sydney, John Paul Jones gives his rose to Onyeka, Cam gives his rose to Caelynn, Dylan gives his rose to Hannah, which means Blake gives his rose to Tayshia and Chris Bukowski blindsides Annaliese by giving his rose to Kristina.
This means Bibiana, Jane, and Annaliese are headed home. “Chris saved us all from Annaliese and gave his rose to Kristina. Thank God!” Demi shares in her talking head, further proving she is the voice of Bachelor Nation. As Bibiana is driven away, she grimly shares that maybe if she would’ve slept with Blake, she’d still be there. Statistically, she has a point.
It seems like Tayshia has only accepted Blake’s rose to stay in Paradise, offering a simple “Blake who?” when commenting on the rose ceremony during her confessional. But that doesn’t seem to be much of a concern to Blake who is now only going after Hannah G.
Anyway, we have finally crossed over into Ladies Week which is obviously better because the men are scared and that’s a power dynamic we can all support. So, it’s time to get some fresh meat mixed into this sausage party already in progress. Up first is the self-proclaimed “Mayor of Paradise” Jordan Kimball, who after being sent home early on in Becca Kufrin’s season, found love on the shores of Paradise with Jenna Cooper only to break up (very publicly) the day the finale aired. It was brutal and I savored every second of it. Oh, and he’s a model.
Jordan decides to steal Hannah away first (I hope someone bounced Dylan on their knee while she was away) and gets a little bit of background info on her time with Blake and Dylan so far. He pulls Nicole next and the connection doesn’t seem as strong although they do end up spending an awfully long time gossiping about the whole Blake situation. Jordan pulls Kristina aside next, but it seems more like an opportunity to get all the tea on this Blake Love Pentagon. “Blake one-nighted both of these gals like they were a couple of milk cartons at lunch!” he shouts. You know, like how you chug two cartons of milk at lunch? But he’s right! Because like milk, Blake makes our stomachs feel very unsettled.
“I just walked onto my beach and got turned down for a date,” an irritated Jordan tells Blake when he pulls him aside to ask him to make things right with these women. “You’re better than this,” Jordan lies as he demands that order is restored to his beach.
Jordan ultimately decides to ask Hannah on the date, but she turns him down saying that she needs to focus on her relationship with Dylan and figuring out what is going on between her and Blake. This, of course, makes Dylan very happy. Jordan instead decided to take Nicole and after a cute ziplining date, they sit on a bench in the forest and continue to gossip. It’s a lot of things, but romantic isn’t one of them. When she returns, she reassures Clay that her date with Jordan was “no comparison” to what the two of them have.
Cam seems pretty set on Caelynn, saying that she is his dreamgirl and that he was even hoping that she was going to be the Bachelorette last season. He gets pretty emotional when he envisions the phone calls he will make to ask Caelynn’s family’s for her hand and to his family to inform them he’s engaged even though it’s only week two. And if that isn’t bone-chilling enough, he’s written Caelynn a love letter that he proceeds to read out loud. Caelynn might not be a mistake, but she’s fully aware she’s made a big one.
Okay, so now Mike Johnson shows up which of course every girl is excited about, but not me because I really need him to be the next Bachelor. All of the women literally swoon as he walks by and suddenly all the men are sweating. None of them are safe. Onyeka is particularly excited because as a sane woman, she went into Paradise with Mike at the top of her list. When he pulls her aside, Onyeka and the rest of America are excited that her dream might be coming true. And then he chooses Caelynn. Cam takes it really hard because he really envisions himself as a husband and father, but also because Mike is partially responsible for Cam’s early departure during Hannah Brown’s season. He spends the evening literally crying in the ocean by himself. Can we set him up with Annaliese? They’d have a lot to cry about.
On their date, Mike and Caelynn toast to the possibility of their “last first date ever” and as a Mariachi band apparate behind them, they dance until the band orders them to kiss.
Wills is apparently still there and he attempts to woo Katie, telling her that she’s a beautiful person inside and out who deserves to be cherished. It’s adorable and vulnerable, but Katie has a full-fledged panic attack that Wills (and honestly the rest of us) have a difficult time understanding. It seems that maybe her sights are set elsewhere, but it’s literally impossible to make out what she’s saying. When she touches base with Chris, they both admit they have feelings for each other and begin to makeout. I think it’s weird, too. Don’t worry.
Blake feels that he’s waited patiently all day and can’t help himself any longer. He approaches Hannah and asks if he can pull her away and — without even making eye contact with Dylan — she agrees and walks down to the beach with Blake. A silence falls over everyone as they watch Hannah and Blake dance and giggle on the beach. Blake begins to twirl her and both Tayshia and Kristina recognize it as Blake’s signature move. Blake and Hannah G. begin to kiss and eventually everyone pressures Dylan into approaching them since they’re making out directly in front of everyone.
Dylan asks if he can talk to Hannah, but Blake answers for her saying that Dylan has shadowed her all day long and he fully intends on pursuing Hannah and Hannah alone. “But you weren’t. You were with every girl here,” Dylan shoots back. Oh damn.
Hannah just watches as the two of them speak for her because she has the backbone of a chocolate eclair. Hannah leaves with Blake so they can continue to talk and make out in private. Blake assures Hannah that no one is judging her for leaving with him, but the lie detector will one day determine that was a lie and we all knew it.
“She’s a freaking player just like Blake,” Tayshia says in her talking head. It seems like Hannah isn’t as innocent as everyone thought and the trailer for the follow-up episode seems to confirm just! that! as we piece together their rendezvous in Alabama and the Stagecoach drama. Side note: this is the publicity Stagecoach was begging for when they gave all these Bachelor Nation runner-ups free tickets. Maybe instead of Paradise, everyone should just go to Stagecoach next year.
Now, if we all hurry up and link arms we can form a protective barrier around Dylan and save his heart. See you tomorrow!