Bachelor In Paradise Season 6; Week 1, Part 2: Polygamy Summer Camp
Does anyone use two-day premieres as an excuse to drink more hard seltzers? Welcome to night two of Paradise. The tears are flowing and Wells Adams is pouring on the sandy shores of Blake’s version of hell. And a lot of new information has come to light outside of the TV show as Blake took to Instagram mid-episode to ~expose~ Caelynn’s Stagecoach hookup texts (more on that later). It was dramatic. It was messy. It was very distracting. So we should really get into it.
Okay. So it’s the morning of Kristina’s date with Blake and Onyeka is asking the question on everyone’s mind: Why the hell would she choose him? Caelynn seems especially blindsided by her decision. “How is she not mad at him? I would be pissed,” she tells Onyeka and Sydney as Blake and Kristina walk away
Well, it seems like Kristina’s objective is to force Blake to face the consequences of his actions on this sting operation. Caelynn is just hoping he’ll face her at some point! Before he leaves, Blake lets Tayshia know that accepting Kristina’s invitation doesn’t mean he wants to stop seeing her. He doesn’t want to stop seeing anyone, apparently. Well, except maybe Caelynn.
After a thrilling dune buggy ride that looks legitimately fun, Kristina begins to discuss her and Blake’s history. Even Blake is wondering why, after months of dating, Kristina decided to go on this date with Blake. It sounds like they dated for a few months, but it just ultimately didn’t work out.
Kristina tells Blake that she finally felt that she met a man worthy of her attention. “Until Stagecoach,” Kristina says in an attempt to bring up the Caelynn drama and honestly, Stagecoach is about to be the hottest festival of 2020 after this episode of BIP and the sh*tshow that went down on social media. Sorry, Coachella.
Blake says that he and Caelynn mutually agreed their hookup was a mistake. He feigns remorse and tells Kristina that he truly values their friendship. She laughs at this. I laugh at this.
But Blake’s into roleplaying and right now he wants to play the victim. He tells Kristina that he’s made his bed and now he needs to sleep in it. “Did you change the sheets?” she scoffs and this pisses him off. Imagine. The man in this scenario. Mad. At Kristina Schulman. The only thing Blake has is the neck of Gumby and the nerve.
Blake wants to know why Kristina even asked him on this date. “This would make more sense if you had feelings for me,” he says as he attempts to make himself cry. He just doesn’t get it. She wants Blake to see the root of the pain he caused. Otherwise, he’ll hurt someone out of callousness again (foreshadowing?). “If I’m someone important in his life, he needs to treat me with respect,” she says and it goes directly over his narrow head. He accuses her of attempting to ruin his Paradise and she’s furious he’s putting the blame on her.
In his defense, Blake made it very clear to everyone that he was single at the time and ultimately, would have ended up hooking up with everyone here at Paradise anyways. Why not get a head start? It’s like doing the summer reading.
Back at the beach, Caelynn is confiding in the group, saying she’s angry that Blake called hooking up with her ‘a mistake’ and is now attempting to gaslight her which sounds a lot like what he’s doing to Kristina at that very moment, too. Maybe Kristina and Caelynn should talk. They’d have a great connection. Lots to talk about!
We shoot back to Blake and Kristina’s onslaught and it’s obviously going poorly. Blake won’t even let Kristina talk, which is a weird thing to do if you’re feeling remorse and didn’t do anything wrong, but okay.
Caelynn and Blake finally sit down to talk when he returns and she tells him exactly how all of this has made her feel.
“I just feel disrespected,” she says as she cries.
“By me?” Come on, Blake. You aren’t that dumb, are you? But then again, there’s allegedly more to the story.
Blake tells Caelynn he’s sorry and he had no idea he hurt her, but someone should tell his face to emote less because it’s coming across insincere. Caelynn is screaming and crying and it’s clear that everyone at the bar can hear what’s going on. But Caelynn doesn’t care. Blake ruined her Paradise so now she has to ruin everyone else’s. It seems like Blake is beginning to lose fans in the house. Kristina comes out of her room to tell Tayshia everything about Stagecoach and ultimately Tayshia decides to remove herself from the situation entirely.
“To be honest with you, Blake just lost me. Like if there was any chance of us working out he just lost me. I don’t need to be playing these games,” Tayshia shares in her talking head.
Okay, we have to tear ourselves away from this storyline to briefly touch on Dylan and Hannah G. (may they bear many children). Things are going good and Dylan seems pretty dead set on Hannah, but it’s Paradise and it’s only week one. Wills, from Becca Kufrin’s season, has expressed interest in Hannah, too, and when Dylan stops hugging her for five minutes, Wills swoops in. He tells Hannah he thinks she’s a really dope girl and then they immediately start kissing. Take that new top lip for a spin, girl! Dylan interrupts, I’m assuming the second he got out of the restroom, to steal Hannah away. He tells her that he has no interest in seeing anyone else in Paradise. Again, it’s day two, dude.
Hannah feels that Dylan shouldn’t be limiting his options. Especially because that means limiting her own which, right now, she’s not willing to do. Hannah ultimately tells Wills that she doesn’t want him to waste his rose on her though and hopefully, he can find someone else before the night ends.
We’re approaching the first rose ceremony fast, so it’s time for other relationships to form. Nicole the cryer and Bibianna of Paradise royalty both express interest in Clay who receives the third date card of the season. After chatting up both the ladies, Bibianna seems pretty confident about their connection, she’s wrong though and he takes Nicole.
Annaliese sees that Clay is leaving for his date and figures that now is the perfect time to confront Clay about her friend, his ex Angela, and make him watch her cry. She tells Clay that she feels that Miss Amezcua is being dragged along, waiting for the day the two of them decide to rekindle their flame and have those babies Annaliese swears they were talking about the day before Clay dumped Angela. Annaliese also feels that Clay is only in Paradise because the NFL thing didn’t work out, which is not how the NFL works, but Annaliese might legitimately not know that.
Clay keeps denying everything Annaliese throws his way, claiming that she has “falsified information” which does sound like something an NFL player would say. At some point, she begins to cry — very hard, because it’s Annaliese. Clay finally leaves in the middle of their argument and he enjoys a nice evening at the carnival with Nicole. They dance, they play games, he calls her caliente. Ugh.
While they’re gone, Demi asks why Annaliese chose to confront Clay before his date and why she did it at all and also why she’s crying. “It’s like grandma is off her meds!” Demi says in her confessional and I just really hope The Bachelor considers making this girl a co-host.
Okay, breaks over. Time to get back to the real drama. Blake is crying now so naturally, he’s discussing how all of this is taking a toll on him. He’s fearful he’ll have to go into hiding and that this will all be very difficult for everyone in his life. But I don’t remember anyone making him do any of the things he chose to do and then lie about.
Blake pulls Caelynn aside to apologize and she tells him she would like to move on before cooly walking away… and directly over to Cam? Okay, maybe she just can’t pick ‘em. The two make out and it seems to… be a good fit? I don’t know. I think anything is possible after Krystal Nielson and Chris Randone.
Now, while all of this is airing, Blake took to Instagram issuing a very wordy statement saying that he would be releasing his text messages with Caelynn that clearly state that the two of them were on the same page. Within ten minutes Blake posted a series of texts from a contact listed under “Caelynn.”
If it really is Caelynn, this doesn’t look too good on her part. After all, it seems to fit Hannah Brown’s narrative that Caelynn can be a master manipulator. But with only one timestamp and none of these text messages referenced in any of Caelynn and Blake’s face-to-face conversations in Paradise so far (that we’ve seen on screen, of course), I’m having trouble taking his word for it. It’s also hard to respect a man fake crying on his Instagram Story from a low angle.
Anyway, I really need to focus on the show, Blake! Couldn’t you have waited until Bless This Mess started? Sorry, Lake Bell.
John Paul Jones and Onyeka seem to be hitting it off and they begin to make out which took some getting used to, but they have my blessing. I’ll allow it. Jane attempts to interject later in the evening, offering John Paul Jones tacos that make him throw up all over the beach. Send her home!
While everyone scrambles to find someone before the rose ceremony, Blake lights four candles to set the mood in the hope of winning Hannah over. “I have a surprise for you,” he says as he shows Hannah the four entire candles he lit. Good luck, buddy.
He tells Hannah that she’s the reason he’s there and that he wants to do everything with her. This is all after Tayshia has rejected him, by the way.
He tells her he likes her dress and that she looks really pretty tonight and after cutting back to a nervous Dylan, we cut back to Blake who tells Hannah that he sees a sliver of hope and he’s going to pry it open. Yikes. I haven’t seen a Hannah make a horrible mistake since… well, I guess four weeks ago. They make out and even though it sure looks like a two-way street from where we’re sitting, Hannah comes clean to Dylan that “he kissed me,” which is exactly what she said about Wills, too, BTW.
Demi is baffled that she would even give Blake her time. “He’s a loser!” Demi and the rest of America scream in unison. But Wells Adams tells Hannah to follow her heart. I think she should use her brain. I think everyone in this franchise should use their brains more.
Hannah may still choose to be f*ckboy Gumby’s second choice instead of being Dylan’s only choice. Like not to judge a girl on listening to her gut, but this is like Kendall Long and Joe Amabile all over again!
So, who do you believe? See you next week!