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Bachelor In Paradise Season 6, Week 4: Glitter Goose Wedding

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 em Bachelor In Paradise em  Season 6  Week 4  Glitter Goose Wedding Screen Shot 2019 08 27 at 9 28 11 PM 640x399 1 png

ABC


Good morning, everyone! It was a wild week on Bachelor In Paradise — full of a lot of tears and a lot of sweat (like, way too much sweat). In case you aren’t caught up, here is a link to last week’s recap, you’ll need the full story arc to fully appreciate this sh*tshow! Now, let’s dive in, we’re going to be late for the wedding.

John Paul Jones and Tayshia seem to have really hit it off, but it seems she may have her eye on someone else. Tayshia shares that Derek sparked her interest initially and now that Demi is gay as hell, it appears he is no longer off-limits. When JPJ and Tayshia sit down to chat, she encourages the Chicken Nugget King to explore other relationships, saying she just wants him to be happy, which only makes JPJ sad. It’s like accidental reverse psychology.

Tahzjaun, who went home on night one of Colton Underwood’s season, arrives in Paradise and she is HOT. Seriously, she’s overheating, but a little heatstroke never stopped anybody from being a big ol’ flirt! Even though JPJ tells her about his blossoming romance with Tayshia, Tahzjuan still asks him on the date. JPJ attempts to check in with Tayshia before the date, but after seeing her cuddled up to Derek, he decides against it and goes upstairs to shave his chest. I do that before first dates too.

“Cheers to my first Tahzjuan-on-one” John Paul Jones says as he makes a toast during their beautifully awkward date. At one point, he attempts to eat the date food, which Tahzjuan and the rest of the Bachelor Nation yell at him for. “You’re not supposed to eat the date food!” she yells as he picks up a congealed piece of mystery food. After a lot of laughing, the two dance to a live band and then jump into the pool to cool down.

Back at the beach, some of the group is sharing their worst kissing experiences, and after Sydney shares that Colton was a terrible kisser, Tayshia backs up her claim but says, “He got better towards the end. I’m a good teacher.” Jeez, you’d think he would’ve been a better kisser considering it’s the only action he was getting off the field.

Caelynn is feeling really confident in her relationship with Dean, who doesn’t have a job and lives in a van (it feels like she keeps forgetting this, so I figured maybe everyone needed a reminder). She can’t stop gushing about him, but Demi and Wells are attempting to talk some sense into her. Wells says that Dean isn’t someone who can be wrangled and Demi tells Caelynn she should take a step back. “Don’t do what every other girl does with him.”

Nicole casually shares that she and Clay spent the night together and although we only get to see a clip of them smooching in a bedroom as they redress, I’m assuming it didn’t look much different than any kissing scene Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy have done, so I’m good.

Caelynn confronts Dean about her (and everyone else’s) concerns and he doesn’t say much to help put her mind at ease. He tells Caelynn that he sucks at dating, sharing that he doesn’t want to attend dinner parties or talk about his feelings (toxic masculinity ruins the party again) and ends the conversation by telling Caelynn, “I think you’d be miserable as my girlfriend,” as he laughs.

Haley from Ben Higgin’s season arrives. Since her twin sister Emily is finally boo’d up, Haley is back again in the hopes of finding her person. On the bright side, it’s harder to tell who the hotter twin is when there’s only one to reference. So, maybe she’ll do well.

She chooses John Paul Jones for her date, which sends Tahzjuan into a tizzy. Tahzjuan spends the day crying and rambling to herself about how she and John Paul Jones are seagulls flying in harmony and that this pigeon (Haley) is trying to mess them up. After nearly passing out from dehydration, paramedics circle her and call for someone to bring her another Gatorade. “Can I have guacamole?” she orders, still flat on the ground. The erratic behavior continues when the two return from their date only to be grilled by Tahzjuan at the bar. “Sounds lame” she says when the two say they went horseback riding.

Caitlin sets up a miniature Stagecoach for Blake and insists she 100% has his rose tonight, but not for long. Kristina interrupts to tell Blake that he shouldn’t lead Caitlin on if he knows she isn’t the one. “You know I consider you one of my closest friends,” he says to her, and suddenly it feels like I’m watching a mafia movie. Does she have something on you, Blake? Blink twice if you need help. He returns to Caitlin and tells her he is unsure if he will be able to follow through with the thing he said he was 100% sure about just 20 minutes earlier.

John Paul Jones is so distracted by his unwanted love triangle that he doesn’t notice Tayshia and Derek slipping away to chat on a daybed before the rose ceremony. The two decide to take their relationship to the next level and finally kiss. While this is going on, Dean gathers some of the cast around Caelynn to sing her happy birthday. Uh-oh. Didn’t he do the same thing with D Lo last time he was on Paradise?

At the rose ceremony, Chris Harrison shares that despite it being the men’s week, Demi will be handing out the first rose of the evening. Demi gives her rose to Kristian, Dylan gives his rose to Hannah, Clay gives his rose to Nicole, Mike gives his rose to Sydney, Dean gives his rose to Caelynn, and Blake gives his rose to … Kristina?! Derek gives his rose to Tayshia so John Paul Jones gives his rose to Haley, and finally, Chris gives his rose to a very relieved Katie. This means Caitlin, Tahzjuan, and Jen are all headed home.

On the heels of the rose ceremony, Dean pulls Caelynn down to the beach and everyone (including Caelynn) assumes it’s a birthday surprise. He wouldn’t break up with her on her birthday, right? Wrong. He tells her he just can’t get to where she needs him to be and ultimately decides to leave his all-expenses-paid, two-month vacation in Mexico to head back to his van.

John Paul Jones is spending his morning crying on the beach (maybe Tahzjuan was a better fit for him) because he’s worried that he may have messed things up with Tayshia. But he better use a jade roller on his puffy little eyes, because the group is surprised with an invitation to Bachelor In Paradise royalty Chris Randone and Krystal Nielson’s wedding.

The guest list includes several Bachelor success stories, like Kendall Long and Joe Amabile, Ashley Iaconetti and Jared Haibon, and Raven Gates and Adam Gottschalk. It’s a beautiful ceremony, and except for Clay and Nicole sweating bullets as his ex Angela struts down the aisle, everyone is moved by this touching example that “this process can work.”

During the cocktail hour, John Paul Jones pulls Derek aside and accuses him of hooking up with women in an attempt to create more content for his podcast. He accuses Derek of abusing his ~star power~ to hook up with fans and now he’s got Tayshia in the mix. The two yell at one another in front of absolutely everyone, including Chris and Krystal’s family. The feuding continues off-and-on throughout the remainder of the episode — it’s a nice change of pace from the sounds of crashing waves in the background.

Eventually, Chris rounds up the Paradise crew and tells them that they have an extra table available at the reception and they would like to invite Hannah, Dylan, Caelynn, Blake, Mike, Kristina, Tayshia, and Clay to join them. That’s it? At the reception, Kristina chats with Connor from Hannah Brown’s season, sharing that she had hoped he would be headed to Paradise, but when he chats with Caelynn later in the evening, sparks begin to fly. I wonder if all of the homophobic people pressed about Demi staying this season will have the same energy about Caelynn hooking up with someone outside of Paradise?

Clay and Angela talk in an attempt to clear the air as it’s the first time the two have seen each other since their breakup, and without Nicole present, Tayshia must surveil the two. It seems that Clay didn’t fully understand that he dashed Angela’s dreams of a future with him, but now, faced with the facts, he’s making the Rainbow Connection (another Kermit joke).

The next morning, Connor steps onto the beach. After pulling both Kristina and Caelynn, he decides to take the latter on a date. Kristina feels that anytime she expresses interest in someone, Caelynn seems to like them too. “Caelynn does like my leftovers,” she says in a talking head. The two spend the day painting each other’s bodies and making out.

Back at the beach, Clay is coming clean to Nicole about his talk with Angela at the wedding. He says it left him feeling like he lead her on during their relationship and Nicole has a lot of questions for her Muppet man. Maybe all of her questions are about to be answered, because Angela and her perfectly shiny hair have just arrived at Paradise to stir things up.

Pour one out for Tahzjuan. See you next week!

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