The Bachelorette Week 12: Finale Part One

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Hey, buddy. How ya holding up? Last night was the penultimate episode of The Bachelorette and Hannah Brown’s journey to find love or alternatively Jed’s very long American Idol audition. Tonight Hannah will make her final decision, but before she does, she has a few more bad ones up her polyester sleeves. Oh, and you’ll want to read last week’s recap before we jump in.

Okay so we’re back at the rose ceremony in Greece and Hannah is still wearing this dress.

But it gets worse than that! After Hannah returns from sending Luke home for the third time (just take the antibiotics, girl), she has to say goodbye to one of her final three men. We’re down to Peter the pilot, Tyler the Floridian, and Jed the liar who sings okay.

All of the men are feeling pretty confident they’ll be receiving a rose. Hannah, on the other hand, is very emotional going into the rose ceremony and she tearfully shares that there are two hearts being broken today. Jed gets the first rose which is wrong and now we’re down to one rose. Math. Hannah gives Tyler the final rose and she begins to cry as a stoic Peter comes up to be walked out. Hannah tells him that he is the dream guy that she imagined when she played with her dolls as a child, but I guess this has turned into a full-blown nightmare.

The two of them are crying really hard and before he flies out of our lives forever, Peter tells Hannah that she will always have a piece of his heart. Ugh. Once he’s in the car, Peter shares how beautiful and unforgettable this journey was. He says that he loves Hannah and that he was surprised it wasn’t the two of them in the end.

We cut back to the studio where Peter and his family have gathered to recount their breakup. Peter’s mom shares that when a child is hurting, their parent feels double the pain. So good job, Hannah. You hurt all of America and then Peter’s mom — twice. It’s clear that their breakup is a tender subject for Peter and when Chris Harrison asks him if he still has feelings for her, he shares that two months is not enough time to get over the feelings he had for her. Which is fair. I’m still sad about Mike and I didn’t even date him.

It gets a little awkward when Hannah comes out on stage when she has to look Peter’s perfect beautiful family in the face and tell all of them when their soaring love made an emergency landing in Splitsville. Hannah says she was certain Peter was The One the night after their fantasy suite and Peter shares her sentiment. She just felt that Peter seemed apprehensive when he was asked to share his feelings. Hannah shares that she knew that they had a passionate relationship which sends the audience into a horny tizzy and even had Peter’s mother cheering for their windmill sexcapades. When Hannah shares her fear that she felt she sent home the perfect guy, an audience member rudely, but bravely shouts back “You did!” But the two of them are hugging and joking around and it’s clear that there is no bad blood between these two ex-lovers.

Before the commercial, Hannah tells the audience that she hadn’t been completely honest with them. She shares that she and Peter actually hooked up four times in the windmill the night of their fantasy suites. It seems like Peter is always prepared for liftoff. And his mother is very proud. The crowd *literally* goes wild.

We’re back in Greece now and it’s time for Tyler to meet Hannah’s family. There’s her father Robert, her mother Susanne, and then three other family members who didn’t get speaking roles. Tyler shares stories of their journey so far and they all seem just as dazzled as I am by how genuine and loving he is. Robert was pleased to hear that they used the night of their Fantasy Suite to just talk and get to know one another. It did their relationship good because it seems like it was what Hannah needed to realize that she’s been falling in love with Tyler this whole time. She shares this revelation with her mom and at the end of the day, she tells Tyler that she loves him. And you know what he does? He thanks her and says he hopes it gave her the clarity she needed and to go back inside and cherish her family.

So I bet she chooses Jed.

Ugh, okay so it’s Jed’s turn to meet Hannah’s family and it goes just as badly as it did when Hannah met his. As Jed is telling them about their journey, he comes out as a musician and it all falls apart faster than his last relationship.

During their one-on-one time, Robert asks Jed about his goals. He voices his concerns that Jed can’t provide for his daughter with his recent dog food jingle. Hannah’s mom echoes her husband’s concerns with a pettier “You’ve been in Nashville for a while now, right?” When Hannah sits down with her father, she seems frustrated by his lack of support. She feels that finances shouldn’t be a factor in this decision. She knows that she has the talents and wits to provide a comfortable life for herself because women are strong as hell. Take that, Hannah’s dad! We agree with almost everything else you are saying, sir! But Jed doesn’t want to be pigeonholed as just a musician. He’s proven this season that he’s also a fairly good actor.

Hannah and Jed leave the Airbnb dejected and Jed offers her a weak “We know what we have” when Hannah says that this is why you don’t date two people at once. Oh, honey. Just wait.

During their last date, Tyler and Hannah go horseback riding and spend the evening talking about their love story and making out. It’s effortless and most of Hannah’s talking heads are bashful retellings of their steamy date. The night ends with the two of them making out and Hannah saying that she could imagine being in Tyler’s arms forever.

The following day, however, is a sharp contrast. Jed and Hannah meet for a sailing trip around Greece and it’s starting to seem like there are just as many activities here in Greece as there were in Rhode Island. The rocky waters make Hannah seasick and she withdraws from Jed completely. It’s the day before the final rose ceremony and it seems that the combination of rough waters and, well, rough waters have made her wonder if it’s Jed she should be sending home tomorrow.

We cut back to the studio where Chris Harrison and Hannah are standing to say goodnight. But before they do Hannah says that she knows there have been a lot of rumors circulating and she hopes to get some answers tonight along with us. I can’t wait. Wow, I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Isn’t that weird?