The Bachelorette Week 10: We Came Together
Good morning, everyone! Last night was Fantasy Suites, but more importantly, it was windmill night. After nine very long, very painful weeks, we finally discovered who got a hole-in-one and who was just an a-hole. In case you aren’t caught up, you’re gonna wanna read last week’s recap.
It looks like we’ll be following the same order as hometowns. First is Peter, then Tyler, followed by Jed and finally, Luke. Which means pure joy the first hour and pathological rage the second.
Peter and Hannah Brown will be spending the day portion of their date sailing the Aegean Sea. Most of the day is spent making out and at one point an overwhelmed Peter asks Hannah, “Do you have any idea how much I like you?” But Hannah wants more at this stage of the television show they’re on to find love. Luke has already said he loves Hannah and Jed has already said it to two women this year. Peter’s gotta catch up.
During the night portion of the date, Hannah makes all of us watch her wear a shiny pink mini dress with a hot pink blazer. It is not relevant to the plot, but she must be held accountable.
Anyway, Peter is telling Hannah about his experience during hometowns and how much he enjoyed flying with her. Then Peter finally tells Hannah he loves her. “Yay!” Hannah replies as she kisses him. She doesn’t say it back, but during her talking head, Hannah says that hearing him finally say the L-word melted her heart. It’s this moment that Hannah decides to give Peter the key to the fantasy suite.
Peter and Hannah walk up the cobblestone staircase. Into. A. Windmill. Man’s sexiest wind-generated electricity creation! When they get into the windmill, Hannah does what every woman does when they get to their hotel room. She starts rummaging through everything and she comes across a condom. “Did you put this here?” she jokes before they climb into bed.
The next morning, it’s clear that the two of them did the sex and in case that wasn’t clear Peter lets us know. “We came together just so much last night.” Thanks for clearing that up, Pete.
Tyler is up next and he’s eager to take the next step in their relationship. He even feels that he’d be ready to get down on one knee next week. Hopefully, if he’s lucky, Hannah will let him get on both of them this week.
For now, they’re headed to a spa where they’ll be getting a couples massage. Or rather they were meant to because halfway through the massage, Tyler hops off of his table to get his hands on Hannah and their masseuses leave the room so the two can make out on a table that can hold a maximum of 250 lbs. They just kind of make out of the rest of the date, which is a concern for Hannah who knows that they have a physical connection but needs to see if there’s also an emotional connection there, as well. Who can say for sure, you know?
It’s impossible to understand what he’s saying. This concern fuels Hannah’s decision to not have sex with Tyler in the fantasy suite. She instead would like to use that time to talk to Tyler and build their connection. Tyler tells Hannah he doesn’t want her to feel pressured and the following morning Hannah beams as she recounts how Tyler stuck to his word. Hannah is touched that Tyler celebrates his boundaries rather than questioning them.
Ugh, okay so now we’re on hour two and Jed and his whole ass forehead are crashing a Greek family’s party with Hannah. They spend the afternoon dancing, eating and drinking with a large Greek family who have a lot of questions about Hannah’s journey, her process, and marriage. Finally, the shady lady in shades (I’m sorry I had to write this one) asks Hannah “How are you going to decide?” right in front of Jed and the two excuse themselves to talk privately.
Jed decides it wasn’t uncomfortable enough and asks Hannah how someone as amazing as her could see potential in Luke. Hannah asks how honest he wants her to be and eventually strings together some lame excuse about their initial connection and a “feeling” that she has. “If you’re this close to finding a husband then what makes you hold onto something so uncertain?” Jed asks her and then he drops the mic because that’s the dopest line he’s ever written.
During the night portion of the date, Hannah thanks Jed for being honest with her at the stranger’s party they fought at earlier. She just hopes that Jed knows that she sees things in Luke that the rest of them haven’t. But it’s more along the lines of Hannah not seeing what 20 other men and then also the rest of America is seeing.
Jed tells Hannah that her uncertainty has made him question his feelings for her. Hannah gets frustrated and leaves the table, but after Jed chases her down she asks him to trust her and they make up. Jed still gets the card for the fantasy suite which is wild. Never in a million years would I ever choose to put Jed inside of myself over Tyler. Maybe under, but that’s not the point. The point is Hannah had sex with Jed.
The following morning, the two of them cuddle in bed and Jed shares that they didn’t sleep at all. Gross.
Now it’s time for Luke, who gets to go on a helicopter ride around Santorini. Luke doesn’t deserve to go to Santorini. “Have you ever been on a helicopter before?” Hannah asks Luke. He hasn’t. What a loser. I know someone who can fly one.
Luke spends the day showering Hannah in phony compliments and fake laughs pretty much the entire time. But Hannah can’t get over their connection. “I don’t know what that church is teaching him but that boy can kiss,” Hannah says which should concern all of America. Luke sees it, too, and shares in his talking head that he could be getting down on a knee to propose next week.
As we go into the night portion of the date, Hannah walks out in a cheetah print dress, a coral motorcycle jacket, and rhinestone-encrusted hoops. Seriously, who is dressing this woman and why do they hate her? I can’t believe even one of these men love her, but she’s about to rip Luke a new one so I’m gonna cut her some slack. Luke brings up sex and shares that he is abstaining until marriage even though he isn’t a virgin. He wants to be sure that Hannah isn’t having sex with any of the other men otherwise he would have to remove himself.
This, of course, makes Hannah mad. She wonders if maybe it’s a jealousy thing for Luke, but as he keeps talking it becomes more clear that Luke is actually just a misogynistic jerk who doesn’t deserve sex. Hannah tells Luke that she has overlooked countless red flags in order to move forward with Luke and this one “slip up” would be the reason Luke would give up on them.
Hannah tells Luke that she prayed for clarity on their relationship and she finally feels that she can see everything everyone has been shouting about all season. “Can I walk you out?” Hannah says as she ignores Luke’s fourth plea to talk. But Hannah has already made up her mind and is awkwardly standing over a petulant Luke who refuses to get up. It’s important to note that it is storming now outside and if I didn’t know any better I would assume the weather is now a sponsor for The Bachelorette. Luke tells Hannah that she owes him a minute so that he can speak his mind and this sends Hannah over the edge.
“I don’t owe you anything so please get up,” she barks and then swiftly walks to his car as he follows behind her still talking about their relationship in the present tense like the idiot he is.
After refusing to get into the car until they’ve prayed, Hannah tells Luke that she has had sex and that Jesus still loves her. Which makes that a total of five men who love Hannah. 🙂
Luke finally gets into the car and Hannah flashes the middle finger as he is taken back to his charging port because it looks like we’ll have to deal with him again next week. See you then!