Entertainment

The Bachelorette Week 11: The Men Tell Off Luke

By  | 


Good morning, everyone. Last night was “Men Tell All” where 20 of Hannah Brown’s exes sit in two neat lines and tell her what they really think of her. It’s like that nightmare you keep having, but on tv. Here’s a link to last week’s recap. You’ll want to catch up before we jump in.

Chris Harrison solemnly welcomes us to the flaming garbage patch that is the remainder of this season by announcing that it isn’t going to get any easier. Which is exactly what I want. It’s an evening he promises will be so shocking and so emotional, that we have no other choice but to jump back into the rose ceremony in Greece. Oh boy.

As all of the men are greeted by Chris Harrison at the rose ceremony, Hannah reveals in a talking head that none of the men know that Luke has been sent home. I feel like it’s important to take a little detour and note how much applause each remaining suitor got from the “Men Tell All” audience as they arrive: Tyler got several cheers, Jed slightly less and Peter, a light applause. Man, even Peter’s fans are polite.

ABC

Hannah is relieved she never has to see Luke again, saying that she hasn’t felt an ounce of regret about her decision. But what Hannah doesn’t know is that Luke is in a van headed back to try and change her mind. Luke is certain Hannah still has feelings for him even though she never used the L-word. He’s so certain that he brought an engagement ring with him. When Luke arrives, he walks past the other three men and takes a spot next to Jed like he belongs there. Luke is a lot like herpes. He keeps coming back to prevent you from having sex.

Hannah walks in and immediately Luke steps out of line to ask if he can speak with her privately. “No the f*ck you’re not. Get away from me,” Hannah barks at him as she attempts to walk around him. “I’m about to go psycho. So please leave.” Luke tells Hannah that he refuses to leave until he’s had either closure or clarity and he just keeps repeating it like a skipping CD.

As the two go back and forth, the other three men attempt to get Luke to fall back in line so that Hannah can continue with the rose ceremony. It’s when Hannah tells them that she’s already sent him home that the good boys and Jed pop off. Everyone repeatedly asks Luke to leave, but he won’t budge. Hannah even physically moves the rose platform past Luke in an attempt to continue despite the born again saved again toddler throwing a tantrum in the corner of this Grecian courtyard.

ABC

Finally, Chris Harrison appears and asks Hannah what she wants to have happen here. She says that she doesn’t have feelings for Luke and wants him to leave. Luke asks her to look him in the eye and tell him this and I also would like to hear her say it again. It seems like Luke got his closure because he walks away. I hope he got a receipt for that ring.

We cut back to Chris Harrison who tells us that that’s all we’re allowed to stay until next week. Chris Harrison is the biggest tease Bachelor Nation has ever seen and that’s that on that. It’s time to jump into the evening and, of course, Luke is the first one in the hot seat. He’s met by very light applause. Luke reiterates that he was hoping for clarity and it seems that Chris wants the same because he opens with “You had your say and it went poorly and you wanted another say. Right?” Nice one. Every question Chris has for Luke seems to stump him and he keeps having to take long pauses to carefully construct a response for fear of being misunderstood. Luke says that he was blindsided by how Hannah handled the situation.

Chris asks Luke if he had any regrets and he responds that there is nothing he would change. “Nothing?” Chris asks just as shocked as the rest of us. After the break, he clarifies that of course he would, in fact, change a lot. And he continues to repeatedly stuff his feet into his mouth when he says that he felt like he was on a rescue mission for Hannah. This had everyone in the audience rolling their eyes, but it drove someone backstage over the edge.

Devin comes out and takes a seat next to Luke to give him a piece of his mind. Maybe if he’s lucky, everyone will do the same and he’ll finally have a fully functioning brain by the end of the night. Devin tells Luke that there are two kinds of men. There are men who want a strong, independent woman and then there are men who want to control a woman so they can feel better about themselves. Devin feels that Luke is the latter. After Devin leaves, Luke says that the last thing he wants to do is control a woman, but then in the same breath says that it is a man’s job to guide the woman in a relationship.

When we return from commercial, the rest of the men have gathered on stage. Cam (remember him?) is met with boos while Mike is greeted with a cacophony of cheers so loud that I really think he might be our next Bachelor. Mike tells Luke that the target he felt on his back was self-inflicted and that it’s impossible to accept an apology from someone who has no regrets.

“I think that your future wife is gonna be a prisoner of you if you don’t learn how to change,” Mike tells Luke.

Connor jumps in to tell Luke that it was brave of him to show up, but immediately follows that up by calling him a liar and a psychopath. Grant jumps in next, telling Luke that he owes Peter, Tyler, and Jed an apology for his behavior. Dylan follows by telling Luke that it’s 2019 and that he can’t talk to women like that. And Cam is just thankful that all of this eclipsed his villain story arc earlier in the season. Finally, Matteo jumps to Luke’s defense saying that all of the backlash he’s received this season has to be punishment enough for his actions. Which is just like such a back row thing to say. I don’t even recognize you. The discussion ends with Luke offering the group an apology.

Born again shaved again. ABC

John Paul Jones is next up in the hot seat and he showers the cheering audience in chicken nuggets as a highlight reel of his time in the house plays. A girl in a What Would John Paul Jones Do? shirt named Siobhan comes up on stage with a pair of scissors and a creepy request to take home a lock of JPJ’s hair. I sincerely hope this is an actress and they didn’t actually let someone into this taping with scissors.

Mike is brought up next and he reiterates his desire to find a fourth pillar to round out his circle of strong women. A lot of his answers — as well as Chris’s follow-up questions — feel more like his job interview for the Bachelor. I think he’s overqualified.

Finally, Hannah emerges in a slightly less nauseating dress than the jersey cut out atrocity she wore to the rose ceremony. Chris asks Hannah if watching her season back has made her question her decisions. She tells Chris that what she felt for Luke was the closest thing she’s ever had to love at first sight. Hannah says it stemmed from her insecurity about having to live up to her Bachelorette title. There was a huge fear the first night that some men may not be there for the right reasons (like to promote their music career), but Luke made it clear he was there for her and she held onto that for longer than she should have. Luke offers her an apology for making the process difficult for her and thanks her for helping him learn to process his feelings. Hannah doesn’t accept his apology though and it’s when Chris asks Hannah about her faith that Hannah really lets him have it.

ABC

Hannah talks about how important her faith is to her and how upset she was that her beliefs were weaponized against her. “In the end, I was threatened by the shared faith that we had,” Hannah tells Chris. She felt that their love wasn’t unconditional, but rather contingent on whether or not she fit his idea of what a wife should be. Luke accuses Hannah of saying she wouldn’t be having sex in her fantasy suites which Hannah vehemently denies. “I did not say that. Fantasy suites aren’t used for sex, Luke. You didn’t have one so maybe you didn’t know,” she cooly responds.

Hannah says that she’s sick of being slut-shamed and being told she’s not a woman of faith because of her decisions. You can be both, ladies. Just look at Mary Magdalene. She says that the fantasy suites were more than just the physical aspect of a relationship and that Luke, as usual, completely misunderstood. Luke leaves during the commercial break with his tail between his legs probably to retreat back to the Denny’s his catechism is held in. Just kidding because this was pre-filmed and Hannah and Luke have gone at it on social media since.

Before the break, Mike let Hannah know that she had everyone’s support and when we return Hannah offers him an apology. She tells him that their goodbye was the most difficult because it was clear he was supporting her the whole time, but she was so glad that he was on this journey with her. She also tells him that she will always be a fan and that she is rooting for him. It sounds like Hannah knows something we don’t which is weird because it’s usually the opposite.

Garrett is the last to share. He tells Hannah how hurt he was that she chose Luke over him, but understands how she was misled. Hannah takes this moment to say that she doesn’t regret anything that happened with Luke. She recognizes that the relationship she had with him is one that many women will have the misfortune of finding themselves in. She hopes that maybe her journey can help other women in toxic relationships recognize the signs and get out. “That was worth all of it,” Hannah says.

We end the night on a lighter note with some bloopers which is followed by a Bachelor In Paradise trailer that actually made my jaw drop. It looks like we may have our first queer relationship this summer in Mexico. Looks like Luke isn’t the only one shedding his beard. See you all next week for the finale!

You must be logged in to post a comment Login