Katy Keene Episode Three Recap: There You Are, Bernadette!

By  | 
 em Katy Keene em  Episode Three Recap  There You Are  Bernadette  KK 3 2 jpeg

The CW

Happy Valentine’s Day, I guess? We’ve finished our discounted heart-shaped chocolates, but Katy Keene episode three brings us back to last week with an ill-timed V-Day episode that asks the real questions like: Should boxers be allowed to cook? Should Katy have, maybe, asked the people she lives with before inviting her boyfriend to become their fifth roommate? And what’s with Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa and wigs? Lucy Hale teased that this episode is where things start getting spicy for our young heroine (apparently in a bad way and not a fun, sexy way?) during an interview with TV Insider. We’re not sure if burgeoning daddy issues and Jorge’s inability to make a reasonable career move count as “spicy,” but Katy‘s at least moving into Medium territory.

Katy Keene Episode Three Recap: WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!

 em Katy Keene em  Episode Three Recap  There You Are  Bernadette  KK 3 featured jpeg

The CW

KO moving in has been the disaster you’d expect from a large man moving into a tiny, already-stuffed apartment, and Katy is hoping a Valentine’s date at his next match will be what this young couple needs to rebound from Engagement-gate. Unfortunately, Gloria channels her best Miranda Priestly and orders Katy to work Lacy’s lavish Valentine’s shopping event. I’m confused about why Katy’s even still working in personal shopping, but I’m even more baffled as to why she’s being treated like a new hire. You think after working there for multiple years, she’d know about this party and her boss’s strict no-call-outs policy. You’d also think she’d know better than to badmouth her boss in the office, which gets Katy un-invited from working the event, missing the opportunity to meet a group of up-and-coming designers. In an abrupt 180, Katy begs to work the event and buys KO a giant boxing bag to make up for it. That’s exactly what they need in the apartment, an item of furniture big enough to pay rent. KO, God bless his heart, is really trying to be a good roommate. Really. I feel for the guy. It’s not his fault Jorge decided to store his wigs in the oven à la Carrie Bradshaw. KO was just trying to make the roommates a lasagna, but instead, he set the apartment on fire. It’s *definitely* not his fault that Jorge stuck his hand in the fire to save his babies. Jorge’s parents are the landlords, and they’re not thrilled that another tenant has moved into the apartment. Katy didn’t ask anyone if it was okay, and it’s probably time for these two to start looking for their own place. Not that anyone’s brought up that obvious solution. Signing a lease won’t solve the gaping wound in their relationship: sometimes people grow apart.

Pepper needs $20,000 to install heat in her artists’ space/home, so she’s goes crawling back to her last-resort for getting cash quick: Bernadette Peters and her little black book. Archie Comics can’t have made *another* redheaded MILF into a brothel madame, could they? Pepper works as a network television-approved version of a sugar baby, in which she attempts to con men into giving her thousands of dollars for her “grad school tuition.” Asking for the full $20k from one dude feels bold, but never underestimate the power of a good wig. When a potential “investor” asks for sexual favors in exchange for the cash, she tricks him into meeting his wife at Katy’s event after he’s bought Pepper $20,000 of clothes and jewelry. Lacy’s accepts cash returns, which is the least believable part of an already-wacky episode.

Josie has to “open the record store,” which is apparently an apt euphemism for her morning romp with Alexander. We’re all for it, but this shop is *made* of windows, girl. Do you not have a backstock room? Her fling is outed when Alexander shows up at Lacy’s looking for a sexy Valentine’s gift to give his “special someone.” Subtle. Josie is worried a budding relationship will distract her from writing the next great American record (sorry, babe, Lana Del Rey beat you to it), forgetting that every great American record has been written about dying and/or budding relationships. Alexander can’t really keep a secret from anyone, and Alexandra realizes he’s ditching the Cabot Family Dinner to hang with Josie. Who totally bails on him for a “writing session” with an aspiring songwriter who dreams of death. Alexander shows up with a home-cooked meal and jealousy for dessert. Oh, also, that sexy robe was for his *sister*. Moving on quickly, Josie gives Alexander her new friend’s demo, and it falls into the scheming hands of Alexandra, who snags him an exclusive composing contract for television that bars him from writing music with Josie. Alex and Josie *don’t* kiss but do make up, and they agree to a non-sexual manager/artist relationship.

KO shows up to Katy’s event after his match, gift in hand, because Katy lied and said she was being forced to work. Katy acts super embarrassed because he shows up with a black eye and bleeds on an expensive shirt, but it seems like she’s overreacting to a kind gesture. KO finds out Katy was given the night off, and he finally gets p*ssed off. He’s been put through so much sh*t lately, it’s about time he asked Katy to step up and tell him how she really feels. If she had, KO could have moved to Philly to follow *his* dreams. Katy finally comes to the logical conclusion that she needs to move out of the apartment with KO and sign their own damn lease, but it’s too little too late. And just like that, Katy and KO break up three episodes into the series.

Most CW Moment

KO has to spit in a cup… because the only way to get blood stains out of silk is to mix hydrogen peroxide with the spit of the person whose blood it is… There’s no way that’s real, right?

Katy Keene Episode Three: Weirdest “New York” Moment

Pepper is a Sugar Baby and her mother (?), Bernadette Peters, is her madame. IDK why, but I feel like this counts.

How We Feel

 em Katy Keene em  Episode Three Recap  There You Are  Bernadette  KK 3 3 jpeg

The CW

Pictured Above: Young black excellence. Speaking of Young Black Excellence, the actors play Alexander and Alexandra Cabot are gorgeous with great chemistry, and I’m rooting for them to be the next great Archie Comics couple. While we’re on the topic of Josie, however, I’m worried this girl might actually need songwriting help. Hint: If your Great American Record includes the phrase “City of Lights,” you need to start over. Also, isn’t the City of Lights *Paris*?

In case you needed *another* reason to be jealous of Pepper’s blessed faux-cialite lifestyle — that’s a faux socialite BTW, and yes I did come up with that on my own — Bernadette Peters has finally appeared as Pepper’s absentee mother/madame. Well, we’re not sure if she’s her mother, but she feels like her mother. There’s some explaining that needs to be done. I love that Pepper, as part of her scammer mentality, has already shown a pattern of stealing from the rich to give to the poor. This episode, she gifted her former doorman a luxury watch because he never knew the time. That’s the kindness New York City needs more of — Scammer Nation, unite!

Jorge’s boyfriend’s teeth are TERRIFYING. They’re a little too big, but they’re so white it looks like he was edited by a teen who just discovered FaceTune. Oh, you didn’t know Jorge had a boyfriend? Because the storyline wasn’t important so I left it out of my recap for space? Right. Well: Jorge has a man in the way most New Yorkers have a man — a f*ck buddy that leaves at dawn and refuses to commit. Buzz Brown — yeah, IDK how I feel about that name either — is a Grindr-date-cum-lawyer who’s been d*cking Jorge around for A YEAR and has never met his roommates. Buzz’s excuse is that he’s not out at work, but that doesn’t explain why he won’t come out *into the living room*. Jorge asks Buzz to see him perform at Mollie’s Crisis, Buzz doesn’t show, and Jorge dumps him. Don’t worry! There are other firemen fish in the sea.

Speaking of breakups, maybe The CW purposefully delayed this Valentine’s episode because of the overarching “All Love Dies” theme Katy Keene episode three was going for. This is why those CW execs make the big bucks, and I do not. (Yet.) Honestly, KO is an angel and constantly did nice things for Katy and her friends, and they were all d*cks about it. I wrote verbatim in my notes, “KO should just leave and find people that appreciate him,” because I’m a psychic, and I’m just glad he’s been given the opportunity to go out and fill his life with people that deserve his love. Yes, I know he’s a fictional character because real men aren’t that sweet especially not with abs like his.

Katy Keene Episode Two FAN REACTIONS