Katy Keene Episode Two Recap: What Am I, A Child Bride?
We’re only on Katy Keene episode two, and there’s already so much going on. Tonight, we discover whether Katy accepts KO’s proposal (nothing like a resounding “no” to get us in the Valentine’s Day mood), Josie gets a job at a failing record store (which somehow seems less likely than her getting signed to RCA — how do they have money for an extra employee if they’re failing?), and Pepper does something weird with a warehouse. We know nothing about the CW’s answer to Tahani Al-Jamil, but we are dying to know more.
Katy Keene Episode Two Recap: WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!
Katy Keene gives us the lowdown on Katy and KO’s relationship and, TBH, he does sound like the perfect boyfriend. Emotional support? Installing A/C units?! Showing up randomly with pizza?!? He might be the last good man in America. But Katy still couldn’t bring herself to accept his proposal. She doesn’t understand what could be causing her hesitation, but we do. Katy, you’re like 24. Marriage is for midwesterners and the middle-aged, it’s fine to give it like three more years. Luckily, the Alphabet City Bandit strikes at just the right time, stealing the ring before Katy could give KO her answer.
Gloria calls Katy while she’s in the middle of a Big Think, summoning her to Lacy’s even though Gloria fully fired Katy during the premiere. Is it bad I just realized Lacy’s is a thinly-veiled reference to Macy’s? Gloria needs Katy on-deck because the prince is returning, and his girlfriend has the good taste to realize these other personal shopping b*tches are the worst. Exhibit A: Amanda mocking Katy’s stolen engagement ring story making the front page of the New York Post. Sounds pretty cool to me, but I’m not a department store succubus. Ironically, Prince Errol is shopping for engagement rings, which will absolutely get Katy’s mind off her own proposal problem. Prince Errol isn’t loving Lacy’s selection, so he arranges for Katy to design the ring herself. Dope. Less dope is KO visiting Katy at work and seeing her try on engagement rings for the prince. Awk-ward. KO’s mom wants to throw the happy couple an engagement dinner, and they go despite Katy still hovering on the fence. She realizes that if she says no, now KO has to explain to his entire extended family, right? That’s cold. His mom starts talking about mortgages and kids, and Katy doesn’t hide her internal panic very well. Mrs. Kelly assumes it’s because she misses her mom, and offers her Grandmother Kelly’s old engagement ring. Honestly, marry him for the family, girl. And the washboard abs.
Josie gives Jorge her share of the rent, but Dorothy is not in Kansas anymore. She didn’t realize their rent wasn’t $1,000… it was $1,000 each. Which is both a steal and *very* accurate. Paying a full stack just to sleep on a living room pull-out is, in fact, the New York dream. She stumbles upon a record store owned by Broadway legend Andre de Shields, who agrees to hire her part-time because she picked up street smarts after living in the ghetto of Riverdale. Alexander comes back begging for a second chance (professionally) and asks for Josie to re-record her demo. She says no, and I’m not sure if that’s definitely the vibe or definitely not the vibe. When she learns her record shop is closing due to skyrocketing rents, she finagles her way back into Alexander’s good graces anyway to ask him to save the store. Alexander buys the store with pure intentions, but technically, Evil Alexandra is the new owner.
— Evelyn Yves (@EvelynYves) February 14, 2020
Jorge is taking a break from Broadway, so he opts out of the open call for Cats. Blessing in disguise? Jorge’s mother knows a thing or two about the entertainment industry: she was a Rockette. She asks Jorge why he’s spending so much time at the drag club instead of taking classes at Broadway Dance Center, but I’m pretty sure BDC doesn’t offer classes from peak Mollie’s Crisis hours of 10 PM to 5 AM. Jorge goes to the open call anyway, which was mistake number two. Mistake number one was throwing a tantrum at his Mannequin: The Musical audition. Broadway’s a small town, and he’s functionally blacklisted… obviously. OBVIOUSLY. How Jorge didn’t see this coming is astounding to me. He almost gets dropped by his agent, who takes pity on him and submits him for Jefferson, the hip-hop musical. RT if you just vommed a little. Oh my God. He books the non-Equity tour of
Hamilton Jefferson, hissyfit be damned, and he’s emo about it. Girl, please.
Apparently, even Pepper has dreams, despite having every glamorous job known to man and living in a luxury hotel. She wants to open her own version of Andy Warhol‘s Factory, the Pepperplant. She’s got a fratty investor willing to drop a couple milli, as long as she can secure a location. She buys a fixer-upper warehouse, which she bargains down to $18,000/month by threatening to expose the owners’ messy divorce in her gossip column. IDK how she’s going to afford that with the $60,000 debt she owes to her hotel/home — looks like little miss perfect is an Anna Delvy in hiding. Scammers, so relevant. She says she’s cash-poor because of the dreams for her magic artists’ space, but I smell a lamb in sheep’s cashmere. She’s going to sublet Jorge’s room in the apartment while he’s on tour, but first, Ginger Lopez has her farewell performance at Mollie’s Crisis. *Jorge*’s crisis settles even deeper when he realizes drag probably won’t be embraced in the midwest, and he decides to stay. This means Pepper is bunking in her rundown warehouse, and her investor got booked on drug possession charges, leaving her totally screwed. Oh, also, Pepper is in a relationship with the (hot, female) concierge from her hotel.
Katy has a lot of Big Decisions to make. She realizes she loves KO, but doesn’t know if she can marry him. And Gloria officially asks Katy back as one of her girls, but Katy works for François now. Gloria offers to work out shared custody at Lacy’s, and she gives Katy the love advice she deeply needs. Katy loves KO and doesn’t want to lose him, but she doesn’t want to marry him. Instead, she does the sane thing and asks him to move in with her. They absolutely skipped a step earlier, and even though Katy-as-Omniscient-Narrator foretells trouble in paradise, this was the obvious solution all along.
Most CW Moment
— Michael Grassi (@thatthingofwhen) February 14, 2020
Scheduling Katy Keene‘s Valentine’s Day episode for *next* week…
Katy Keene Episode Two: Weirdest “New York” Moment
— Katy Keene Writer's Room (@KatyKeeneWriter) February 14, 2020
Katy Keene, we love you, but I’m starting to seriously doubt any of your writers have even *visited* New York. While y’all get points for having Josie pick up a part-time gig at Dunkin’ Donuts, claiming that Katy had to walk fifty blocks because the A Train broke down is psychotic. There are other trains! At most, she’d have to walk like two avenues. Or, IDK, take the CE?
HOW WE FEEL
Even if Katy had accepted KO’s proposal at the beginning of the episode, there’s no way it would have stuck. For one, the rules of rom-com television clearly state that the heroine must take a full episode to “think it over” before dramatically letting her boyfriend down gently in the last ten minutes of the episode. For another, Katy Keene episode three is literally titled “What Becomes of the Broken Hearted.” What were we supposed to think, that everything was going to be fine? Even without exhibits A and B, the look of abject horror on Katy’s face when KO got down on one knee was enough of a clue for us. KO’s great, but Katy is a bad b*tch with dreams in a magical, garbage-less New York City. They can enjoy being young for a few years before worrying about a joint checking account. And what is marriage if not a bunch of paperwork and a tax break? It makes sense that KO totally skipped the “moving in together” step, when you think about it: homeboy’s Irish Catholic.
in four years last week:
Broad City gets me pic.twitter.com/QF1KF0mQXE
— Tommy (@Tommy_Byrn) March 4, 2019
At the end of the day, it’s just nice to see these grown-*ss young adults working their shit out because, honestly, it’s refreshing to see preternaturally hot grown-ups boning on a CW television show instead of preternaturally hot grown-ups pretending to be teens boning on a CW television show. It’s just starting to get creepy watching “high school students” that definitely are not high school students have sex, like, in their high school.
Okay, I understand why Jorge wants to stay in New York. Leaving behind a life you’ve built isn’t easy, especially when it means going to *shudders* Kansas. But, dude. Come on. He barely got back into the game after that massively unprofessional stunt he pulled last week — paid exile is about the best he could hope for, and possibly the only thing that could save his career. Putting in the work to climb your way up the ladder isn’t running away, and it’s not uncommon for theatre performers who would kill for a national tour like this (or any paying job… the amount of cruise ship contracts getting announced on Facebook is getting comical). I like Jorge. I *love* Ginger. But Jorge is acting like a total diva, and not in the good way. I almost *don’t* want to see him succeed because immature antics like this shouldn’t be rewarded. But also, I absolutely want him to succeed because we need more diversity in theatre. But mostly, he’s shown nothing in these first two episodes that implies he should be working on Broadway at all. Ginger, however, deserves a spot on Drag Race ASAP. Ru Paul, where you at? “A Million Reasons” was the perfect musical number for her both because queens do love Lady Gaga and because it fits with Ginger’s storyline. Accuracy, we love to see it. Speaking of broadway, if they cast André de Shields (most recently of Hadestown fame) and do not let this man sing (but let Jorge do his
worst best Lin Manuel-Miranda impression, which no one asked for), I will riot. OMG, also, where TF is Bernadette Peters? Isn’t she supposed to be around here somewhere?
Broadway qualms aside, Katy Keene gets a lot right for a show that’s openly taking place in a fairy-tale reality. This Core Four (+ KO) is quickly becoming one of my favorite friend groups on television, if only because their wine and whine nights remind me so fondly of my own.
Katy Keene Episode Two FAN REACTIONS
— Davia Carter (@davia_carter) February 14, 2020
— Riverdale After Dark: A Riverdale Podcast (@RiverdaleDark) February 14, 2020
— Riverdale Writers Room (@RiverdaleWriter) February 14, 2020
— Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo (@mkqi) February 14, 2020