Riverdale Season 4, Episode 6 Recap: Leave Archie Alone!
I’m exhausted. This is exhausting. There is too much going on for one Riverdale recap season 4, and I’m excited for it to be the midseason finale when this all finally starts to make sense. While we try to connect the nine million separate plotlines on this episode into one coherent storyline, we’ll also try to solve the mystery of who the heck Jughead thinks he’s writing to on that typewriter. $10 says Riverdale ends with Jughead publishing a Dan Humphrey-style tell-all.
RIVERDALE RECAP SEASON 4, EPISODE 6: WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!
Listen, I literally do not care about Archie’s community center issues. When you’ve got serial killers, murderous puppets, and a police force that doesn’t bother monitoring a street called Sketch Alley, it’s time to admit that Riverdale cannot be saved with a ski mask and good intentions. Dodger trashes the community center and the police can’t do anything about it because, apparently, The D Man is a really good criminal. I think it’s more likely that FP is just a really bad detective, but either way, justice is not being served. Archie tries to fix things using his community center (again) and Dodger causes issues (again) by figuring out that Archie is the masked vigilante that’s been patrolling the area. Did the bright red hair give it away? Dodger’s thugs shoot up Archie’s home with his mother still inside in retaliation. Y’all, this family has been through enough — leave Archie alone! Starting off tonight’s theme of unexpected alliances, Archie goes to Hiram for help, and the Lodge patriarch delivers Dodger’s badly beaten body wrapped neatly in a
Jughead is convinced that his grandfather wrote the first Baxter Brothers book and that his work was stolen by the Sweet Valley High powers that be, so he brings some evidence to the man who claims he wrote the original novels. I don’t know what Jughead thought would happen, but the general classism and vague threats of expulsion are *exactly* how we saw this going down. What we did not anticipate was Mr. Chipping jumping out of an office window to his death after Jughead asks him for help. Chipping’s teaching position has been filled by Jughead’s new arch-nemesis, so this should be fun for everyone.
— no context riverdale (@nocontextrvd) November 14, 2019
Note to redheaded women: Stay far, far away from The CW. Our favorite ginger detective, Nancy Drew, is stalked by freaky ghosts every Wednesday at 9 PM, and now Cheryl Blossom is being tormented by the spirit of her dead triplet. She tries surrounding the doll in salt to trap the vengeful little brat, but even horror movie logic gets ignored on Riverdale. The minute Cheryl leaves Thistlehouse, Dagwood conveniently chokes on a ping pong ball. He’s fine, but Cheryl finds that the puppet has escaped its salt circle and cuddled up with Dead Jason. Oh, and more Blossom relatives have rolled into town, which is never good news. They want to sell the failing Blossom maple syrup business but need Cheryl’s approval. She would’ve considered this fresh start if only her dead brother didn’t live in the chapel downstairs. When Archie’s masked crusade doesn’t fix this town’s problems, might we suggest a team of highly-trained therapists? In order to prove that Cheryl is out of her mind and sell the business without her signature, Cheryl’s uncle breaks into the chapel to find what (or, rather, who) she’s been hiding. He threatens Cheryl, and Toni kills him in self-defense.
Betty teams up with an unlikely ally to uncover the truth about Charles. An incarcerated Chic shares that Charles stabbed his friend to death after snorting too much Jingle Jangle (#TBT), and
Jesse Pinkman Chic helped him dissolve the body in acid. Instead of doing some actual detective work, Betty straight-up asks Charles to take a polygraph test to disprove the story. He could have murdered her in his creepy FBI basement and used his status as a white, male law enforcement officer to get away with it without so much as a slap on the wrist, but instead, Charles submits to the polygraph. If anything’s going to prove Charles isn’t a serial killer, that should be it. Charles says it was Chic who killed someone, but TV shows have taught me that tricking a polygraph isn’t hard, so take this with a grain of salt. Charles does admit to being in N.A., but this all seems a little too easy. And it is! Chic decides now is the right time to report that murder from season two. You know, the one that Alice, Betty, and FP all helped cover-up? Charles and FP re-bury the body to protect their family, which proves Charles’s allegiance to the Coopers. LOL, you thought! Turns out Charles has been working with Chic this whole time towards some unknown nefarious end.
Yo, is Veronica’s sister named Hermosa? I thought she was just using a fun pseudonym last week to keep things mysterious, but apparently, Riverdale named Veronica’s sister “Sister.” That’s like if they had introduced Jughead as “Hombre del Gorro Pretencioso.” Speaking of the Lodge/Luna family, Hermione takes another blue-collar job as a hostess at La Bonne Nuit, and one day of dealing with drunk bougie teens was enough to send her back into the
d*ck lap of luxury with Hiram. Veronica is understandably appalled by her mother inviting a murderer, gangster, and all-around bad dude back into their home, and we hope Riverdale is planning a deep-dive on Stockholm Syndrome and gaslighting to justify Hermione’s unexpected 180. Veronica skips her parents’ vow renewal, making her the only person with any sense left in Riverdale’s city limits.
THE MOST CW MOMENT
— Wolf Haley (@hailstorm_) November 14, 2019
When Kevin was right all along: Charles is gay! And he’s dating Chic.
HOW WE FEEL
Riverdale recap season 4 followed up on another loose string from seasons past, and we’re impressed. We don’t believe for a second that the writers actually planned to revisit Charles’s former BFF, Chic, when the iconic scammer was first introduced onto the Riververse, but bringing him back to explain Charles’s serial killer tendencies was *chef’s kiss* brilliant. Getting rid of Chic’s red hair? Yet another stroke of genius. Speaking of red hair, I think I can see Archie’s roots.
I’m going to wait until things get much, much worse before doing a deep-dive on how messed up it is that Hermione took Hiram back because I’m hoping that Riverdale has a larger plan for Hermione and isn’t just using this as an excuse for a kinky Mark Consuelos ab display. We understand the appeal of a six-pack and seven-figures, but the cycle of abuse is not something that should be taken lightly. And we all saw how “well” Riverdale handled Reggie’s child abuse storyline. While we’re on the topic of messed up relationships, why is Toni still with Cheryl? Like, don’t get me wrong, I *love* Choni. Two hot IRL BFFs playing an on-screen couple is total goals, but there was a moment during this episode when Cheryl was trying to drown a puppet she’s convinced is housing the soul of her dead triplet in front of the corpse of her other dead triplet when I just wondered how Toni hasn’t sprinted for the hills yet. She’s 17, her girlfriend has clearly lost her damn mind, and most high school relationships end anyway. This sh*t is getting too scary for Toni to keep playing the chill girlfriend without some sort of reasonable explanation. TBH, Cheryl lost me at “ate her triplet in the womb.”
I’m also waiting on an explanation of Sweet Valley High’s boarding rules. Jughead seems to come and go whenever he pleases, popping into the diner for a quick chat with his girlfriend in the middle of the night on a school day. Where is Riverdale hiding this elite boarding school that allows Jug to float in and out of town so easily? Is it somewhere between the South Side and Sketch Alley? It looks like Riverdale’s writers heard my lame-o kiss comment from a few episodes ago and said, “Bet.” This Bughead PDA was immediately followed by Jug asking Betty about their shared sibling, and I’m still confused about how we’ve all just decided to be okay with this. Even Gossip Girl took a moment to let Dan and Serena freak out about possibly becoming step-siblings, and that show killed off the same character multiple times without more than a shrug.
Riverdale Recap Season 4, Episode 6 FAN REACTIONS
— Caylin Manfredi (@CrownTheCaylin) November 14, 2019
— Lachi mo la la? 🐥 (@montyelmyra) November 14, 2019
— Adelaide ❤️🏳️🌈 (@LilBabyGay) November 14, 2019
— this is patrick (@melaninqueenkel) November 14, 2019
— Archie Comics (@ArchieComics) November 14, 2019