Riverdale may be a teen drama about high school students, but it's a teen drama about high school students *on the CW*. As in, the same CW that promoted Gossip Girl by plastering post-coital teen characters on billboards across the country captioned with the Parent's Television Council's decision that the series was "mind-blowingly inappropriate." My So-Called Life, this is not. Naturally, the CW's latest teen sensation gets pretty hot and heavy, and we've put together a list of Riverdale's sexiest moments so you can relive them all.
Riverdale really let us know what was up during its very first trailer. This is *not* your parents Archie Comics. Archie Andrews, teenage construction worker, wipes his sweaty face with his tee-shirt and unleashes his six-pack onto an unsuspecting public. Miss Grundy might have been a literal predator, but you've got to admit, she had great taste. Thankfully, KJ Apa is almost 22, so *we* don't have to feel creepy for appreciating the obvious. Grundy, on the other hand, should feel very, very creepy.
KJ Apa never wears a shirt on Riverdale, and we'd like to keep it that way, thankyouverymuch. The show takes every opportunity it can to make KJ strip, whether it's making him a wrestler out of *nowhere*, having the Riverdale girls storm into the boys' locker room at the exact right time, or putting Archie in a prison fight club. Totally normal teen behavior. In this GIF, Archie is studying his lines for Carrie: The Musical like any straight man would: while doing shirtless pushups.
Chuck Clayton was a total babe. Sure he was also, like, a ~bad person~ or whatever, but no one really cares about that. When Chuck starts talking sh*t about Betty during the birthday party she threw for Jughead during season one, Jughead gets so mad that he punches Chuck in the face to defend Betty's honor. This does beg the question of why Chuck was invited in the first place, but Jug getting violent because he just loves Betty *so much* is one of the hottest moments on the show.
Archie and Veronica's first kiss during Seven Minutes In Heaven was hot, for sure. But it was marred by the fact that Cheryl Blossom orchestrated the entire thing to make Betty sad. Guilt can totally be sexy, but not when it means you're betraying your best friend. Archie and Veronica's second kiss was in less of a moral grey area, totally of their own initiative, and had plenty of room for Veronica to get on top of her future boyfriend. It also stars out ~very~ slowly before it builds up, and just describing it makes me feel like a trashy fan fiction writer.
Cole Sprouse was already weirdly hot, but this just took him over the top into true heartthrob contention. Notice we said Cole and not Jughead because this one is all about the man behind the beanie. Who knew that Cole could sing? He tries to hide it, but those high notes he hits during "Seventeen" are silkier than Cheryl Blossom's sheets. Ending his sexy duet with an *aggressive* open-mouthed kiss with his IRL girlfriend, Lili Reinhart, was literally just too much. BRB while we listen to Riverdale's Heathers recording on repeat.
I don't think anyone would say that "Mad World" is a song that slaps, per se. Nor is it a song I imagine anyone would actually choose to strip to in IRL, but major props to Lili-as-Betty for making it werk. Lili is totally killing the facial expressions during this scene, and she rocks that knock-off La Perla with con👏fi👏dence👏. If this is any indication of how hard she'll slay in her upcoming stripping movie with Cardi B, we'll take 20 tickets, please.
Riverdale isn't all about the teenagers, you know. The parents on this show are a parade of DILFs and MILFs, exemplified here by Mädchen Amick doing the actual most during Alice Cooper's triumphant return to her Southside Serpent roots. Every time Alice revisits her gangster past it's revelatory, but her dramatic romper during the SoDale Gala Opening during season two after her serpent past was outed by Betty in the Blue and Gold was a feminist triumph. Alice Cooper might be wacky, and apparently susceptible to cults led by Chad Michael Murray (but, then again, aren't we all?), but she steals every scene she's in.
Kevin Keller is the sheriff's son. Joaquin DeSantos is a gangster from the wrong side of the tracks. While under investigation for his involvement in the murder of Jason Blossom, Joaquin and Kevin fall in love. Why was this not its own television show? No tea, no shade, but there's way more story to explore there than anything Riverdale has done recently. The first time these star-crossed lovers hooked up, they didn't even know each others' names, let alone their vastly backgrounds, which makes this Riverdale moment (and the pairing in general) one of the hottest.
Skeet Ulrich just gets sexier with time. He might have started his career as Johnny Depp-lite, but he's grown into the king of the DILFs through his role on Riverdale (and, we'd imagine, good genetics). Johnny? Not so much. FP starts out as a total mess, which is hot before he gets his act together and goes from gang leader (hot) to town sheriff (equally hot). He's also in an on-again, off-again relationship with his high school ~friend~ Alice, which is also hot. Shocking. Here's hoping Riverdale introduces some Jones cousins or some uncles for Jughead because it looks like sex appeal runs in the family.
You're either in love with Jughead, in love with Archie, or in love with both of them. Who are we kidding? We're all in love with both of them and with FP Jones and Fred Andrews, TBH. That's why seeing Cole and KJ playing FP and Fred during their rowdy high school days was already almost too much to handle. Adding the pair showing off all the hard work they've been doing in the gym by *streaking* through the halls of Riverdale High was so amazing. Ah, to be young and fun again... with Cole Sprouse and KJ Apa.
We don't know how we feel about the weirdest pairing Riverdale has thrown at us, but having young Alice and Fred kiss during the show's flashback episode almost makes up for getting rid of the Archie/Betty/Veronica love triangle we were promised. Just because Bughead is clearly endgame doesn't mean it isn't fun to shake things up a little, and having Lili and KJ hookup while playing different characters was a stroke of genius. Pair it with Lili's awesome '80s outfit and set it in a school during detention, and we've got ourselves a John Hughes-worthy makeout session.
This scene honestly shows why Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa likes to put IRL couples together on-screen. Clearly, Lili and Cole had done this before because this is a make-out session between two people that are *very* familiar with each others' bodies. Betty and Jughead get c*ckblocked by the Serpents coming to make Jughead the newest member of Riverdale's tamest gang, but Bughead didn't need to have sex here to make this rough make-out their hottest scene on the show. Is it the hottest scene in the history of television? Maybe, yeah.
It took a hot second for Betty and Jughead to finally do the deed, but now Betty gets to say she lost her v-card to a gang leader, which is pretty badass. We're in *love* with Cole's suspenders in this scene, and the director managed to toe the line between sexy and heartfelt so well that we almost felt like we should look away from this tender moment between two people in love. It's sequences like these that have made Bughead the fan favorite couple on Riverdale. It also explains why Lili and Cole are basically the most beloved IRL CW couple of all time.
This scene hasn't aged well, and it was honestly in poor taste even when it aired over a year ago, but Veronica and Archie's steamy shower scene is still one of the sexiest Riverdale has done. Archie is washing his father's blood off in the shower after Fred Andrews was shot, and the only way that his then-girlfriend Veronica could think to comfort him was by jumping in the shower with him. With such great emotional communication skills, it's a real shocker this couple didn't end up together for the long haul.
When the Black Hood was in the middle of his reign of terror, Archie and Veronica processed their emotions the only way they knew how: by having sex everywhere, all the time. Really, these two were master conversationalists, just really good at creating an open and honest dialogue. TBH, it's impossible to pick just one of the many Varchie scenes during their death-fearing romp (or any of the many other times on the show the pair processed their feelings with their tongues), so we decided that they were all, collectively, one of the sexiest scenes on television.
Did anyone else feel like this scene went a little too far? Like, sure, Charles Melton, um, I mean "Reggie," got interrupted by a phone call, but this on-screen hookup between an off-screen couple was a lot to process. It's definitively one of the sexiest scenes on the show, mostly because it low-key feels like the audience is about to watch a real couple have sex. Camila Mendes "Veronica" is wearing a fantastic bra and underwear set, and the audience gets to see it from virtually every angle possible during this short but sexy scene.
In case you haven't noticed the theme here, Veronica and Archie decide to have a prison quickie after his fight club showdown instead of talking about the fact that Archie is *in a prison fight club*. Archie picks Veronica up with his giant muscles and pushes her onto the lockers in this prison bathroom, which also sounds like something out of a Wattpad novel both in writing and just as a storyline in general. What is happening on this show? Riverdale is an amazing mess, and this is the show operating at peak crazy.
Riverdale is great at giving LGBT characters stories ~outside~ of being LGBT. Weirdly enough, the show isn't great at actually letting them have sex. There were not enough Choni moments on this list, but that's because there just aren't enough hot and heavy Choni moments on Riverdale. The show finally let these iconic women have a sex scene, and it even better than we thought it would be. There was lip biting, blindfolds, and a well-acted orgasm in the most explicit lesbian sex scene on network television probably ever. It was definitely worth the wait.