Sex & Relationships

How To Effectively Slide Into A Hottie’s DM’s

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sliding into dms tips making first move online


So you’re scrolling through your social media feed and you come across a guy you think is a perfect 10 (or you know, an 8-9 — still hot though). You want to get all up in there, but you’re also not trying to make yourself look like a total desperado that wants him super bad — even though honestly, you totally do. How do you appropriately and cooly slide into someone’s DM’s without looking desperate and lonely? Well, it’s not as hard as you’d expect.

When it comes to dating apps and social media, I’m usually pretty skeptical about making the first move. But, I’ve asked a few “experts” in the field to give me some tips and tricks. And, by experts, I mean some of my very best friends that use dating apps more than they use their toothbrushes (gross… half-kidding). With their help and advice, I’ll have you slipping and sliding into dudes’ DM’s faster than they can call to make that dinner reservation for your first date.

First, let’s talk to Michelle. At 27-years-old, single in NYC, and hella successful in her career, she practically lives on Tinder. According to her, she gets a date offer 7/10 times. The 3, she claims, are “horndogs looking for a bone that she doesn’t have buried.” Ouch.

Michelle’s go-to tip: a GIF.

“There’s nothing that breaks the ice better than a GIF. It’s funny, light-hearted, and easy to start a conversation with. Usually, I’ll go through a guy’s profile and find something that stands out to me, maybe his favorite movie or TV show. Most guys love to quote them, so I’ll find a GIF from there and usually, we start talking. If I can’t find anything, I’ll send a pop culture one that’s flirty and relevant.”

Michelle says that 10/10 times, a GIF gets her a response. And, even if the conversation ends up going nowhere, she claims a response is better than being completely ignored — which, I’ll say is definitely true.

I also asked Nicole, a 28-year-old writer from California who spends her time writing about relationships and sex 10x more than having it (sorry, girl). Nicole is an expert when it comes to flirting, advice, and dating — plus, she met her boyfriend of 3.5 years online. Yep, it went down in the DM’s.

“I actually saw him tagged in an Instagram photo with a mutual friend of ours. I had just moved out to Cali for a job and didn’t know many people, just a few. I thought ‘what’s left to lose?’ I ended up following him and slid into his DM’s with a corny joke. Like, a pick-up line joke. Sometimes those can be hilarious — but, they can be kind of creepy if you choose the wrong one. My advice? Google some hilarious ones and pick your favorite ones.”

While pick-up lines may be viewed as gross when they’re vulgar and sexual, a cute, innocent and funny one can show to guys that you have a great sense of humor and can take a joke or two. It’s important to make it obvious you’re being facetious, though. Who doesn’t want to have fun with someone?

Additionally, I consulted Karen, a 30-year-old Ph.D. student in human psychology. Karen lives in NYC and studies human behavior and psychology on an almost daily basis. The best way to win someone over, Karen claims, is “things in common.”

“I would never necessarily ask someone to ‘stalk’ another person. But, skimming is definitely advised. Go through their profile, see if they have any likes that are similar to yours. Having things in common with someone is usually the standard ‘hey, let’s go out,’ even before technology was introduced. Some people may think it’s weird, but you’re posting things on your profile and social media that you want others to see.”

Karen adds that you should never intentionally lie about being into something you’re not just to score a date.

“Don’t be that girl who lies, and then has to go Google whatever TV show or movie they were into. There are guys out there who are into the things you like, DM them. Lying is desperate and eventually, it’ll come out in the end that you’re not honest.”

Not only did I consult some of the most confident and smart women I know, but I asked a few guys what would get them to answer a DM from a random girl (or a stranger).

Mike, a 28-year-old personal trainer says he gets DMs all of the time on his Instagram account — mainly because his profile is 99.9% body pictures and he’s jacked. He says the ones he responds to are the ones who don’t comment on his physical appearance.

“Look, we’re not a piece of meat, we’re humans too. Just like a girl wouldn’t want a guy sliding into her DMs saying ‘your body is fire,’ I don’t want that either. Even if that’s the only reason for hitting me up, at least try to get to know me.”

Mike makes a valid point. If women aren’t into the whole “appearance only,” men shouldn’t be subjected to it either. So ladies, try to get to know them outside of the whole ripped-abs thing.

Harris, 32, also says he answers girls who say something super witty and clever. While using the dating app Hinge, Harris says he loves a girl who turns something he wrote on his profile into a joke or a witty comeback.

“Make fun of me, poke fun at me, I don’t care. Show me that you’re funny and down to be humorous. Hell, if you make fun of yourself, even better.”

While taking the first step and making the first move (digitally) can be nervewracking, take it from these few who have found love, lust, and all the in-betweens online. A GIF, a joke, or a common hobby can be your way in to finding your soulmate online.

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