Study Shows Your BF Probably Just Wants Sex For Valentine’s Day So You Can Save Your Money
A new survey by Swagbucks found that 90% of American men just want sex for Valentine’s Day this year. Shocking, I know. Women ranked a romantic dinner, flowers, chocolate, or a weekend getaway over sex for their preferred Valentine’s Day gift because they understand that sex isn’t a gift unless you’re paying for someone else’s steamy affair.
What this proves, infallibly, is that 90% of men are poor and don’t want to have to buy their girlfriends an actual gift. St. Valentine did not get beheaded for y’all to cheap out on your girlfriends.
“But what if we just gave each other the gift of sex this year, babe?” – every loser who still lives with his mother and the guy “No Scrubs” was written about.
Valentine’s Day is almost here! Ladies, get your hopes up! Fellas, get your apologies ready!
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) February 13, 2011
On the other hand, it’s made V-Day shopping super easy for women this year, who now can cite this survey as the reason they opted to save some cash on that tie/watch/wallet that their guy didn’t actually need or want. Just buy a cute new teddy (for yourself!) and call it a day because unless you think your bae is one in a million (or one in ten, to be precise), he’s just looking to get some anyways.
According to Swagbucks, 87% of Americans don’t think Valentine’s Day is the time to spend the most money on their significant other and a quarter of Americans will be spending less than $50 on their celebration. 20% will be spending over $100, and that is the 20% that I’d like to be dating.
Blow her mind this Valentine’s Day by PUTTING YOUR OWN DAMN DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER BRANDON THEY DON’T NEED TO “SOAK”
— Renowned Philanthropist (@SortaBad) February 13, 2015
Over 90% of those polled will be giving a romantic dinner, which honestly is also not a gift. What happened to like, a nice watch? Sex was the second-ranked choice, with 81% of men and 79% of women planning to give the gift of something most Americans do roughly once a week on average, anyways. But that alsp means that roughly 11% of men can expect to be very disappointed this year and I can get down with that.
But for the majority, let’s just remember to use protection. Whether you’re rocking a spermicidal condom, IUD, or birth control pill, let’s all remember that the pull out method does not work when February the fourteenth comes along. The world doesn’t need more Scorpios, guys. Wrap it up!