Mind & Body
16 Valentine’s Day Gifts That Aren’t Totally Lame
By |
Warner Bros.
BOXFOX
I've recommended BOXFOX to so many people over the years, I should start getting a commission. The brainchild of a couple of UCLA Kappas and one USC grad, BOXFOX sends out personalized gift boxes for any occasion, from Big-Little reveals to Galentine's Day. BOXFOX has Valentine's boxes for Him (featuring cute hot sauce socks and a portable Sriracha bottle) and Her, making gifting easy, but the main draw for their gift sets are how wonderfully curated their collections are. Their boxes literally look like the inside of an Anthropologie, but with only the cute stuff and none of the weird ugly skirts. They've got Voluspa candles, Herbivore Botanicals, Sugarfina candies, Lapcos face masks, and basically anything else anyone with a modicum of taste could ever want. You can also customize your own box from a wide array of choices for a personal but still super cute touch.
"The Start of Us" Map
This is some romantic sh*t, dude, so don't give this to a casual hookup unless you want to look insane or you know that they'll find it super funny (and be fine with you looking insane). ModernMapArt on Etsy will make a poster with the star chart of your choice to commemorate the night sky on your anniversary, your first kiss, the first time you felt comfortable enough to take a sh*t in your S.O.'s bathroom, or any other milestone that you know your person holds dear. It's inventive, minimalistic enough to not be too mushy, and thoughtful enough that they'll feel like you actually care about your relationship.
Sugarfina Chocolate Vodka Shots
Are you old enough to have a real job, but young enough that you still want to feel fun? These chocolates come in a cute copper martini shaker (very trendy — copper is the new rose gold) and are filled with Tito's Handmade Vodka, the vodka of middle-class champions. Each truffle has 5% alcohol by weight/volume, which isn't bad TBH, and Sugarfina is a super trendy candy brand. Sugarfina rose gummy bears are basically a cult item, but this gift set can be used for a gift for a girl or a guy, and it will actually get you drunk.
Slip Silk Snow Leopard Travel Set
Celebrities like Dove Cameron (who is next-level pretty) swear by these silk pillowcases by Slip. They're, like, stupidly expensive, but they'll actually make your skin better because silk doesn't hold in bacteria, so when you use their pillowcases, you won't be inadvertently clogging your pores in your sleep. There are cute black and grey options, but this light pink travel set (complete with matching silk eye mask) is a decent deal, comes in a cute box, and seems more expensive than it actually is. Additional points if you pair this with a weekend getaway somewhere so your boo can actually use the set.
Savage X Fenty
There's this weird mutually beneficial tradition of guys buying their girlfriends lingerie for Valentine's Day or, even better, women buying themselves lingerie and calling it a gift for their boyfriends. The only (and I mean, ONLY) option for lingerie, now and forever, is Rihanna's Savage x Fenty brand. Women want to buy this for themselves even when it isn't Valentine's Day, and they'll literally freak out over anything from the website, even if it's ugly, because it's Rihanna. The prices are so decent, and they release Valentine's Day lines probably for this exact purpose. I'd go with the Hearts Teddy, the Lace Teddy (that's always selling out), or the Hearts Halter Teddy Trio (a package deal) because they're all on theme but can also be worn with jeans on a night out. Multi-tasking is key.
Long Distance Lamps
This is like a really cute, simpy gift for long-distance relationships (or long-distance friendships — Galentine's Day is real, y'all!). These lamps aren't ~too~ ugly, and they sync up so that everytime someone touches the lamp, its pair emits the same colored light, even if they're separated across the country. So, every time your significant other is thinking of you (or wants to remind you that you left them on Read an hour ago), he or she can just boop the lamp, and you'll get a nice non-verbal reminder of your loooooove. You can even sync up more than two of these lamps and give them as a gift to your whole squad.
Wine
Wine is a classic gift for a reason: it gets you drunk and doesn't taste rubbing alcohol or liquified bread. Winc is a wine subscription service that delivers exclusive wines curated to your specific tastes right to your door every month. This gift says, "I'll also still be around for at least eight more months" and "Let's get drunk and have sex, but in a classy way" simultaneously. There's also no commitment and you can cancel the service at any time, but your S/O doesn't need to know that. Another cute wine-based option for people that don't want to send such a strong message is personalized wine labels, like these from Personal Wine, that can say anything you want from "Jim + Pam 5Eva" to some weird inside joke whose backstory no one wants to hear.
Taco Bell Merch
We all know that one girl that's a little too into Taco Bell. Like, I'm sorry, but loving a cheesy gordita crunch will not make you more fun to be around, nor will it distract people from the fact that you're about to flunk out of community college. Taco Bell is not a personality trait. If you or someone you love is a little too into Taco Bell, they'll literally never grow out of it because Taco Bell is amazing, so you might as well lean into it with some of Taco Bell's hilarious merch. If you get her mylar balloons that look like Taco Bell hot sauces, pins, socks, a notebook, or even women's boxers, and give them to her with, like, flowers or something, it'll be a great way to say "I like you a decent amount" on V-Day.
Cheese Of The Month Club
"Do you like cheese? My favorite's Gouda" is rom-com for "I love you and you look like Channing Tatum," so you should probably sign your S/O up for this Cheese of the Month Club. You can commit for a year, or you can do a month-to-month subscription if you're not sure if your person is "the one" or "a secret murderer." You get 1.5-lbs of gourmet cheese every month, and it's been recommended by Oprah. OPRAH! Side note: how does one become one of the "cheesemongers" that taste test these cheeses every month? This gift should come with at least five packages of Lactaid, just in case. You're welcome.
Tickets to ACL (Or Hard Summer)
This gift is not for the casual dater, but it comes with levels of seriousness. Do you think you're going to be together until the summer or through the fall? Does your honey really love music or need a trendy Instagram photo? Where, exactly, do you live? Musical festival tickets are guaranteed to please, and you can say that whichever artist your S/O is most excited about is why you bought the tickets because you've definitely been listening to all of the Spotify playlists they made you (?). ACL is a great option for actual music lovers, and Hard Summer is fun if you just want to dress up and get drunk.
Parachute Robes
This bathrobe gives off "I have boatloads of money and seven blondes partying in my mansion" vibes for men, and it's super comfy and self-care-y for women. Buy it for your dude so you can steal it from them the next time you shower at their place. Parachute robes are made of Turkish cotton (and Turkey, like, invented towels, so they know what's up) and have a weird cult following, so join the mob mentality and grab one of these for your person.
Nintendo Super NES Classic Edition
This popped up on literally *every* "What Should I Get My Boyfriend For Christmas/Valentine's Day/His Birthday/Arbor Day" list I saw on the internet, so there's probably just something I don't know going on here. What can I say? I'm a joiner. This Super NES Classic Edition already has twenty throwback games uploaded to it and looks exactly like the original console, so you get all of the fun with none of the effort (and, no dial-up cable!). It comes with two controllers, so if you're not just a regular girlfriend (you're a cool girlfriend), you can kick his butt in Street Fighter and undermine his masculinity.
Sex Toys
Yes, you read that right. I really mean sex toys. A recent survey found that 90% of men just want sex for Valentine's Day, and sex is not a real gift unless you're paying for it, so you might as well get your guy something naughty. There are sex toys you can use with a partner, so you can give 'em the gift of you not having to fake your orgasm, too. This can go both ways — give your girlfriend a vibrator! If she doesn't have one, she needs one, and if she already has one, she probably wants another.
A Portable Charger
This is another gift that definitely needs to be paired with a box of See's Chocolates or some flowers from Ralph's, but everyone needs a portable charger. You know how I just said every woman needs a vibrator? Yeah, they need the portable charger more. Mophie is one of the more popular name-brands for portable chargers, and they come in a variety of cute colors, so get three so your girlfriend can color-coordinate with her outfits. This is also a great gift for your boyfriend, so you know that when he says he didn't answer your text because his phone died, he's just lying to you.
Framed Tweets
This Tweet is the perfect balance of casual, but not super lame. Frame one of your S/O's tweets (or one of your tweets about your boo) and give it to them as a gift. They'll know that you're ~super funny~ and ~quirky~ but they still won't be sure if you're actually serious about the relationship, or if you even have a relationship in the first place. FramedTweets will frame your tweets for you, so you won't have to do anything but spend money. You can also get tweets on a giant canvas, which would definitely be a crazy thing to do, but it's literally so funny.
A Coffee Alarm Clock
I need this. I'm including this on this list so that if anyone is ever dating me during Valentine's Day, they can find this list, read until the end, and see that I need this (very expensive, TBH) alarm clock. Anyone else who loves coffee or hates mornings (so #original) also needs this. It's lowkey funny, so it won't be too sappy if you're not into that type of thing, but it also shows that you care about the health and well-being of your person. This alarm clock from Barisieur wakes you up with the smell of coffee (and an alarm, dw) because it literally makes you a cup of coffee. This is science. This is the future.
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